Skipping Santa

The Christmas Season is my favorite season of the entire year. As any of my former choral students can tell you, I LOVE Christmas music. I just love drinking from Christmas mugs, decorating the house, eating off of Christmas dishes, lighting candles that smell like Christmas, the combination of red and green, decorating Christmas cookies and most importantly, celebrating the birth of my precious Savior. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! But I don't love Santa. We don't treat Santa as a real being at our house and when I explain this decision to people I am often met with shock and a lot of questions. I guess I'm a sort of off my rocker for not allowing my kids to believe in something that isn't real, doesn't make wishes come true and doesn't actually bring presents. Bah-humbug, right?

Before our first little man was born, my husband and I made the decision to forgo all of the Santa Claus hoop-la. Does this mean anything with a depiction of Santa is banned from our home? No. Will we not allow our kids to take a picture with someone dressed up like Santa? No, if our boys want to take a picture with Santa, that is fine with me. However, we will not be teaching our kids that Santa is real. We will teach our boys about the real St. Nicholas and what he did because of his love for God; but not the belief and, dare I say it, deification of a bearded man in a red suit with flying reindeer.

I don't ever remember having a belief in Santa. A conversation with my mom on this very subject confirmed that memory for me. I never felt as though I missed out on anything. In fact, I remember feeling a little sorry for all of the kids whose parents were lying to them. What happens when you figure out the lie? Does Christmas lose a little of its sparkle? I've had people tell me that I'm losing a big bargaining tool with my kids. I would then ask, what is the bargaining chip when December 26th rolls around?

It seems that for the Christian, Santa presents more pitfalls than positives. For your consideration:

1. The traditional dialogue surrounding Santa is that he can see if you've been good, he knows your desires and he can be anywhere at any time. The truth is, only God Himself is capable of omniscience and omnipresence and I don't want my boys, even at a young age, thinking that anyone else has those capabilities. The Psalms, and really the entire Bible, are replete with this truth.  God alone does marvelous deeds!  (Psalm 86:10)

2. When we build Santa up to the point that our children are more excited about a mythological man who shows up once a year than they are about a God who was willing to come to earth as a helpless baby, walk this sod and die a humiliating death so we can be reconciled to a Holy God through no good and no merit of our own, we have allowed Santa to become an idol.  Exodus 20:3 tells us that we are to have no other gods.  None.  Not even if they are cute, part of a tradition, or make us feel magical. Now, not everyone builds Santa up to this level, but I will propose that if one defends the belief in Santa with more passion and voice than the defense of Jesus Christ, the line has become extremely fuzzy and that is a dangerous place to be.

3. Santa develops short-term, me-based goodness. I cringe every time I hear a person say, "You'd better be good or Santa won't come visit you!" Oh dear.  As this world becomes increasingly unkind, it seems that teaching children that they should be good because it's the right thing to do and sometimes doing the right thing may not come with a tangible reward at the end might prepare them for the long run.  In fact, as a Christian, our good works are for the sole glory of God, not so we get stuff.  (Matthew 5:16) This thought also teaches that a good deed is only good or valid if it is seen by someone else. But the best good deeds are those that are done sacrificially.

Am I going to sit Jackson and Bryant down and dogmatically explain that Santa isn't real? No.  Do I tell Jackson that Mickey Mouse isn't real? No. But I don't treat Mickey Mouse as though he is real and I certainly do not say things like, "Mickey brought you that" or "Be good, Mickey is watching!" Jackson is not upset with the fact that Mickey Mouse is pretend, kids love to pretend and use their imaginations. Knowing that Mickey is pretend hasn't left him with emotional scars nor has it taken anything away from his childhood. I would even posit that knowing Mickey, Santa, and Curious George are just pretend is actually quite freeing.  Truth makes us free.  There is no tension of maintaining a lie.  My kids don't question us and they are very excited about Christmas and celebrating the birth of a Savior.

As parents, we must make decisions that may not be popular or understood by everyone around us. By following through with our convictions we teach our children by action, not mere words. It is certainly not the intent of my heart to be sanctimonious about our convictions. I want to be abundantly clear that if you do choose to incorporate the belief of Santa into your holiday tradition that is certainly a choice you are free to make. It is important to graciously teach our children that not everyone has the same convictions and it is not our place to try and force our convictions upon others nor do our convictions make us any better than anyone else. If you choose to teach the belief of Santa to your children, that is your prerogative just as choosing to forgo Santa is mine.  But I will say that Jesus is enough.  He is enough.  The promise of a Savior fulfilled holds wonder unfathomable.

For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, Christ the Lord.  Luke 2:11

The Freedom to Celebrate!

My last post was quite heavy, but hopefully not discouraging. As the holiday season arrives this week, I want to encourage all of you to celebrate with great joy. Embrace and enjoy the freedom you have to celebrate this season!

Growing up military meant that our 'traditions' changed each year. Sometimes we lived much too far from extended family to make the trek northward. Sometimes Dad was deployed and sometimes we joined friends to celebrate the day. Dad has since retired from the Air Force and we have the luxury of establishing some traditions with both my parents and my husband's.

It seems that our society puts quite a lot of pressure on us to create a 'perfect' holiday season for our families. And by 'society' I really mean retailers and others who are looking for a financial profit. I've felt this pressure and, sadly, have fallen into its ugly little trap. With that in mind, let me share a little list I made a week or so ago:

This holiday season, I will...
1. allow myself to say no to any activity, party, event that I don't really, really want to attend. Why run my family ragged running from one party to the next? It's really okay to say no.
2. remind myself that Martha Stewart has an entire staff and exceedingly high budget to create 'the perfect' holiday. She also has a husband who left her and a daughter who very famously dislikes her. I think Martha sort of missed the point.
3. create some fun memories with my little guy even if it leaves flour-y messes on my kitchen floor, decorations a bit askew and a tree with lots of decorations on the bottom, but not so much toward the top.
4. cuddle up on the couch, watch "White Christmas" and drink hot chocolate often.

Don't sacrifice fun memories for holiday 'perfection.' Pop your favorite movie in the dvd player, sing Christmas songs as often as you please, eat too many cookies and make some fabulous memories!

45 Million

Sunday, Nov 7th was a difficult morning for me. I know it left my husband in a very pensive state as well. We both realized how easy it is for us, as Americans, to be Christians. This wasn't a new revelation, but it just hit us harder this time. I looked into the eyes of an Uzbek woman, who has lost all of her earthly possessions for the cause of Christ, and was brought to tears. I do not think I will soon forget her eyes or the look found in them. My tears partially came from the fact that I did not understand the look in her eyes. Can any of us who are comfortable in our American homes understand? I have never been imprisoned because of my faith nor have I been beaten, nor have I had police come into my home and take all of my possessions, nor have I....the list could become exhaustive. My biggest 'tribulations' are really just irritations.

As American Christians, what is our response? I just don't know. But I do know that the Lord tells us clearly "to whom much is given, much is required." Freedom is MUCH. The freedom to choose the church I want to attend, the freedom to hold Bible studies in my home, the freedom to order/buy any sort of Christian materials I so choose, the freedom to worship with very little fear. Unfortunately it seems that the American church has become complacent and lazy. We are willing to apologize for the hard and fast truths of the Gospel in the name of 'tolerance.' We are willing to pick and choose portions of scripture that aren't politically correct so as not to offend anyone. And yet the only 'persecution' we face for standing on these hard truths comes in the form of words.

Many worldwide organizations (both secular and religious) recognize that between 70-75% of all religious persecution throughout the world is directed at Christians. The other 25-30% is spread among other religions/beliefs. I do not share this with you to make you feel badly about your own freedom. I write this so you will fully appreciate your freedom and understand that it is imperative to stand for the truth of the Gospel- regardless of political correctness.

45 Million. The number of Christians martyred in the 20th century. More than all other centuries combined.

Elisabeth Olson, the non-feminist feminist

One of my favorite former students (Yes, all teachers have favorites, it's a fact of life.) asked me why I am not a feminist. He is always thinking and asking questions. He carefully ponders his own viewpoints and is willing to listen and consider others' views as well. I love this kid! After several weeks of careful thought, here is my answer.

I believe the Bible is completely true. I believe any wisdom that is needed can be found within it's ancient yet relevant pages. It is extraordinarily evident to me that Jesus was very concerned about the mistreated and oppressed. In His day, this included women. We see over and over that Jesus condemned those who desired to embarrass and disgrace women. (See the story of the adulterous woman in John 8:1-11.) The accusers were not interested in disgracing the male involved in this situation, just the woman. Yet, in stark contrast to what was culturally acceptable, Jesus valiantly defended this woman and protected her dignity. The Bible is replete with truths revolving around the Lord defending the oppressed and giving dignity, shelter and protection. From this source, I have formed my own 'women's rights' stand.

First of all, it is important to define what 'women's rights' really are. Do I believe in women's rights? Yes. But my view of women's rights is probably a bit different from the modern feminist's view of women's rights. If I could draw a Venn Diagram of my views vs. a feminist's views, there would be quite a lot in the middle. But the outlying circles would hold some stark differences.

One of my obvious disagreements with the modern feminist movement is the stance on abortion. I find abortion to be a morally repugnant act that is barbaric and violent. Enough said.

My other large disagreement with the tenor of the modern feminist movement is that it seems to downplay the wonderful attributes of womanhood. Should women have equal pay for equal work? ABSOLUTELY. Should women have equal rights? ABSOLUTELY. However, women and men are not equal. As one example, I can carry a child and give birth. My husband cannot. It doesn't matter how much he tries to do so or even wants to do so (Although I'm sure he doesn't want to give birth!), he will never be able to birth a child. But without him, I can't either. Both genders are required, but each of us has a different role. It concerns me that the modern feminist movement has the tone of wanting to do, and sometimes even act, as a man does rather than celebrating and embracing the strengths and specialties of being a woman.

The Bible gives quite a lot of direction for women. The Proverbs 31 woman was quite obviously educated, a strong leader, a manager, a woman with business acumen, a woman who did not "need" a man to take care of her, but chose to share her life with a husband out of desire, not need. Deborah was likewise a woman who was educated, a leader, strong-willed, effective. This list could go on and on. Yes, there are many people who call themselves Evangelical Christians who, I believe, misuse scripture to manipulate and even oppress women. But EC's don't have the monopoly on this problem. There are others who believe that a woman's education, occupation, dignity, freedom, etc is not as important as a man's. Quite obviously, I whole heartedly disagree with these sentiments.

The modern "feminist" movement seems to be quite tunnel-visioned. In my view, it seems there is one way into their "club." Women who are stay-at-home moms certainly cannot be part of this club. In fact, there is a lot of very visceral language against women who choose child-rearing as their vocation. Other more "lowly" vocations seem to catch this disdain as well. It seems to become part of the modern feminist club, one must have an occupation that puts the woman in a position of power over men. Should you not have such a position, you must be oppressed, underpaid and unhappy. Further, I was appalled at how silent the most vocal feminists fell when several prominent conservative women were spoken of in very vile and disgusting ways. Why would a true feminist allow such actions to be ignored? Further, why are these feminists not rushing to places like China, India, Bangladesh, etc and voicing huge concern over the sex-slave industry and the gender-cide that is occurring? This disparity in rhetoric and action is really sad.

The Lord created men and women to be different from one another and yet He created men and women to be complimentary counterparts. I once heard someone say, "Women are superior to men at being women and men are superior to women at being men." We need not strive to be something we are not. We need, as women, to strive to be the best WOMEN we can be.

Three Years

Yesterday I held my infant son and wondered what he would be like at 3 years old. I went to sleep, woke up in the morning and all of a sudden he was 3! These last 3 years have, rather sadly, come and gone in the blink of an eye. Fortunately for his brother-to-be, Jackson sure has taught us quite a lot. Here are a few nuggets of wisdom from his 3 years of training us:
1. When preparing to bring a newborn home, remember that Mylicon/Gripe Water is one of the most essential items in the house.
2. Sometimes the onesie just needs to be thrown away. (If you've ever been around an infant, you know what I mean by this!)
3. ALWAYS have extra diapers and clothes when venturing away from home.
4. When your baby looks as though he is solving a very complex equation you should wait until the look passes. He is not solving an equation and it is best to wait unless you want to clean both him and yourself.
5. When the cat takes off like a shot down the hall, the toddler is squealing with laughter and dry spaghetti noodles are strewn down the hall... you might as well laugh and get the camera!
6. Never miss a moment to look straight into your child's eyes and say, "I love you."
7. Privacy??? What's that? Must be something that is over-rated.
8. The healing power of a Grandpa is quite remarkable.
9. Sometimes it is not a good idea to ask your toddler/preschooler to repeat himself.
10. Grandma serves M&M's for lunch. But you don't need to call and double check. ;)
11. Trips to the grocery store can be highly entertaining. Hopefully you won't see most of those people again.
12. Jesus has band-aids and medicine. Ummm.....thank goodness for the parent's take-home page from Jackson's Sunday School class.

What a fun 3 years we have had with our little man. The word 'thankful' doesn't quite seem to be sufficient, but it will do for now.

"I don't like those naughty things!"

Disclaimer: These are my own thoughts, opinions and convictions. Please know that because these convictions are very personal, I do not hold others to them. If you choose to celebrate Halloween, that is your personal right. I do not condemn you nor judge you. I, however, do not feel comfortable with the celebration of Halloween. The purpose of this blog entry is merely to explain my reasons for this.

It is that time of year when Halloween decorations are littering the stores. Bleh. Since I am not a fan of Halloween, or the combination of orange and black, this is not a season I get excited about. Don't get me wrong, I rather enjoy fall. I love pumpkin muffins, fall soups, decorating my home for fall, more temperate weather and apple cider. Halloween, however, I could do without. This morning my sweet little boy was terrified by a rather disgusting decoration on display at our local Michaels. The item was a life-sized skeleton that was made to look quite bloody and garish. Why anyone would want to have such an item in their home is beyond my comprehension. Jackson's comment was, "That thing makes God sad. I do not like that naughty thing!"

Several years ago I taught a student whose family was from Haiti. He was greatly disturbed by the American fascination with Halloween. He told me about the very dangerous side of Halloween and the various satanic rituals and rites that were part of the night. This only served to bolster my feelings about Halloween. It also made me really give serious thought regarding my own reluctance to celebrate Halloween.

Halloween centers around things that are purposely disturbing, garish and fearful. Please note that I am not speaking merely of carved pumpkins or benign costumes, I am speaking of the purposeful display of garish statues and figures whose sole purpose is to offend and disgust. The Bible tells us to dwell on whatever is pure and holy, not grotesque and offensive.

Halloween celebrates superstition, for which I have no tolerance. Superstitions undermine the sovereignty of God. I have actually known people who are willing to completely disturb their life in order to serve their superstitions. I'm not just speaking of silly traditions (for example- ball players who wear the same, unwashed, socks all season. Gross, but not necessarily a superstition.) I speak of putting faith and giving credence to superstitions that affect significant behavior.

Halloween celebrates practices that I find to be evil. In my estimation, Halloween draws much attention to things of the Zodiac (horoscopes), palm reading, tarot reading and seances. The Bible is very, very clear that we are not to dabble in such things. Because I choose to believe the Bible as true, I also choose to believe these things are of no value to a Christian.

It seems that Halloween has taken a turn from when I was a child. My mom has substantiated this observation. It is also my observation that society is becoming increasingly nebulous. In other words, I think society, in the name of tolerance, is taking a turn toward standing for nothing and accepting all manner of behaviors. We don't want to offend anyone and therefore, we accept anything whether it is good or bad. Certainly it is not my desire to offend anyone, but it is my desire to be clear in my beliefs. Because it is also my God-given duty to raise my child in the admonition of the Lord, I must live my life with clarity and authenticity. If this means that we do not celebrate a certain holiday, then that is what it means.

Friendship

With great sadness I have watched a disturbing thing occur- the dissolution of friendships. Over the course of the last year or so I have watched at least 5 long standing friendships end. The ending of these friendships have all occurred, in my best estimation, due to a taking of offense. It has made me very sad to watch this happen and it has also made me think long and hard about friendship and what true friendship looks like.

Friendship says, "I love you more than this situation/issue." So often we become so caught up in being right that we forget how valuable our friends are to our lives. Our pride drives us to be 'right.' Our pride can also drive us right out of friendship. Is being 'right' (which more often then not is all a matter of perspective) really worth a friendship?

Friendship says, "I am secure enough in our friendship that we don't have to agree all of the time." What a sad thing when a friendship dissolves over a point of disagreement that is, in the big scheme of things, quite minor.

Friendship says, "Your name/reputation is safe with me." Need I say more?

Friendship says, "I rejoice in your successes even if I'm in a dry season." Isn't it sad when a friendship is ruined because one friend is so jealous of the other's season of joy or success that envy is allowed to walk into the friendship and tear it apart?

Friendship says, "I like that you have other friends." It has always been a mystery to me when a friendship is laced with jealousy. Why wouldn't you want your friend to have other friends?

Friendship says, "I forgive first and will ask questions later; but only if those questions will build our friendship."

Life is hard and life is harder if you are alone. Friendship is a gift that must be treasured and never taken for granted. Proverbs 17:17 tells us that a friend loves at all times. Notice that this verse says nothing about loving when it serves our selfish needs, loving when it is fun, loving when it is easy... NO! This verse simply says, "at all times."

I leave you with a thought from Frances Bacon that I believe is worth pondering. "The communicating of a man's self to his friend works two contrary effects; for it redoubleth joys and cutteth griefs in half."

Incredulous

I'm not sure if incredulous completely describes my feelings on a particular issue, but it's probably close. When I learned that Olson baby #2 is a boy, I was quite excited and I would have been just as excited to have a girl. You see, gender just wasn't a big factor to me. In the course of the days following the announcement of our second child being a son, I was met with some unbelievable responses. Here is a taste:
"Oh! I'm so sorry. What a shame!" (huh???)
"That's too bad. You and Kyle sure would've had a pretty girl."
"Well, I guess you'll need to try for a 3rd one then! Maybe #3 will be a girl."

Yes, (prepare for sarcasm) what a shame that I have 2 healthy and vibrant sons. This response surprised me at first, but then it just made me plain old mad. I felt that my unborn son was, to some people, starting life out as a disappointment. Are you kidding me? He is exactly who God wants him to be. Isaiah 43:1 tells us that God has called us by name and that we are His. Who am I to think that I know better than a Holy God? If God, in His sovereignty, sees fit to grace our family with another son and I accept that gift and privilege with anything other than thankfulness, I need a serious character overhaul.

The 'well, you can try for a 3rd' comment really gets to me. As if my son were some sort of error and I can just try again until I get the result others want for me. My unborn son is extremely loved by his mom and dad. He is a gift that God did not have to give to us, but in His grace, He did. Even as I write these words I can feel our little one happily kicking and playing.

I have yet to come up with a gracious response to some of these ridiculous comments. My general response is to remain silent, perhaps that is the best course of action. Any suggestions out there??

Did you really think I wouldn't have an opinion?

A certain female sports reporter has been in the news lately for an incident that occurred in the Patriots' locker room. Where to begin?

Let me first address the men. Although we do not know what was said and/or done to this woman, we do know that the men acted inappropriately. Were I the mother of any of these men, Cain and Abel would be raised. I would snatch my son bald-headed for such behavior! I don't care if this woman walked into the locker room naked, there is NEVER any excuse for speaking to a woman in a degrading fashion. EVER. It is disappointing that grown men have acted in such an adolescent manner.

Do I think this reporter is a hapless innocent? No. This woman has marketed herself as a sex object. She has given much encouragement to her moniker of 'sexiest sports reporter in Mexico.' If you haven't seen the outfit she wore that fateful day, don't bother. It is just as vulgar and ridiculous as you would imagine. It mystifies me that a woman who claims to have a desire to be viewed as a serious sports reporter would also encourage the objectification of herself. How about dressing more appropriately? How about setting a much better, more dignified, example to other young women? How about a little self-respect?

As a mother of boys, I feel a strong responsibility to teach my sons to respect women regardless of how a woman chooses to dress or present herself. However, in this age of female empowerment, women sure can empower themselves to dress and act far more appropriately and professionally.

Apparently, it is not hereditary

My great-grandmother had the most amazing garden. My grandma has gorgeous flowers all over her yard. My aunts, all 5 of them, can make anything grow. Flowers, plants, fruit, veggies, herbs, etc. When my husband and I recently moved, I had grand thoughts of planting tomatoes, hydrangeas, daffodils, pansies, tulips and various herbs. I started collecting magazine articles regarding such endeavors. I conducted internet research. Rather unfortunately, methinks this research was to little or no avail.

On Friday I bought a rather lovely looking basil plant at our local Publix. Thinking it would be wise to start small, I thought raising basil plant would be a good place to start. Perhaps I would soon have enough fresh basil to put a bowl of fresh pesto on our table every week. Perhaps I would have enough basil to give away to friends! Perhaps I would continue my serial plant-murdering streak. By Sunday afternoon my basil plant was looking very pitiful. I gave it more water and put it in a sunny spot outside for a bit and hoped for the best. It is now Monday morning and the sad plant is looking slightly better.

After having spent some time with my aunts recently, I realized how many family traits I have...my eyes, my hair, my complexion. Apparently horticulture isn't hereditary. It's probably all for the best anyway, dirt isn't exactly my friend. Can any of you actually imagine me digging in the garden? The thought is laughable. I believe I will leave the growing up to the lovely folks who supply the produce aisles at Publix.

An Announcement

Through God's grace, I come from a long line of wonderful mothers and it is my heart's desire to continue that legacy with the children God has given to me. There are many common threads linking my mother, my grandmother, my great-grandmother and great-great grandmother. All of these women love(d) Jesus and taught their children to love God's Word. All of these women love(d) their husbands well. All of these mothers supported their children's God-given personalities and interests and did not force their children to become something or someone they were not intended to become.

While pregnant with Jackson, the weight of motherhood struck me in a palpable way. I felt overwhelmed and under prepared. But this is right where God wanted me. Not discouraged, mind you, but in a mental and spiritual place where I clearly recognized my need for God's wisdom. Kathy, Marge, Ruth and Carolina didn't mother their children out of a desire to outdo the previous generation. Those women all mothered out of a love for the Lord and the desire for their children to know and love the Lord. That God has so graciously given me such a rich heritage is beyond humbling.

So many things in society, technology and culture have changed since my Great-Great Grandma Carolina raised her little girl, Ruth. Parenting trends have come and gone. I highly doubt she even had a 'parenting' book. Dr. Spock was the trend as my Grandma Marge was raising my mom. Fortunately, she didn't buy into that trend! My point? Dr. Spock and the like are outdated and little used. Yet from generation to generation God's Word is timeless. "For the moth will eat them like a garment, and the grub will eat them like wool. But My righteousness will be forever, and My salvation to all generations." Isaiah 51:8

It is my prayer that my love for the Lord will be obvious to my children and that I will lean evermore on God's wisdom and knowledge as I raise these two little boys God has given to Kyle and to me. Yes, 2 boys! I am daunted and honored at the same time. I have caught myself giggling all week long as I imagine life with two boys running around our yard. Two little boys coming home with muddy hands, muddy faces and huge smiles as they recount the lizards that were caught and released. Two boys with baseball uniforms that need washing and tummies that need filling. Two boys with ideas and goals. Two boys! It excites me to watch the 'brother' dynamic play out between Jackson and his little brother. Each time Jackson pats my growing tummy and says, "That's my brozzer" my heart leaps.

Thankful doesn't begin to describe the feelings brimming out of my heart. These are, indeed, special times.

The fair is in August!

When my brother and I were young and complaining about the perceived unfairness of a situation, my mom would state, 'the fair is in August.' This usually frustrated me, but only because she had made her point and it didn't serve my purposes.

I don't know as though the preoccupation with fairness is a new concept. It's human nature to look out for our own interests and desires. But can I be so bold to say that this mentality is not scriptural? Philippians 2:4-5 tells us that we are not to merely look to our own interests, but for the interests of others for such is the mind of Christ. The fact that Paul wrote these words so many centuries ago only confirms my aforementioned thought.

It might have been a book I read shortly before getting married or perhaps it was one of our pre-marital counselors, but I distinctly remember learning the concept that being consumed with fairness is a symptom of selfishness. The need and desire for fairness in marriage is really odd to me. How can you truly and sacrificially love your spouse and yet be so concerned about fairness? I'm not exactly sure where to attribute this paraphrased quote, but it's worth noting, "If you are concerned about fairness in marriage you can be assured that your divorce settlement will be quite fair as well."

I think it is of the utmost importance to concern ourselves with treating others with fairness and justice. The Bible is saturated with truths regarding how we are to treat others in kindness, love and humility. Yet, we are never told to demand this for ourselves. In fact, Leviticus 19:15 tells us quite clearly that we are to be fair and honest with all persons.

As my mother used to say, "Life just isn't fair." She's right. However, I am now of the belief that the sooner we accept this and the sooner we quit concerning ourselves with how fairly or unfairly we've been treated, our lives can be far more pleasant.

Send me no flowers

Before we were married, my husband used to send me flowers. He would usually send them on Valentine's Day or the first day of school. After we got married, I finally had the nerve to tell him to stop sending flowers. Don't misunderstand, I was very appreciative of the flowers. The flowers were significant of his thoughtfulness and his kindness to act on his thoughtfulness. But, alas, I am my mother's daughter. Sure, I like flowers and if I had the funds (or gardening prowess) I'd have fresh flowers in my home most of the time. But flowers are expensive! It's not that I don't like gifts, but I'd rather have shoes, a gift card or something that won't die in a few days' time.

My poor husband happened to choose one of the few girls out there who just isn't all that romantic. Most girly-girls, of which I am one, are very romantic and appreciate sappy movies. I, however, detest romance novels and am generally irritated by sappy romance movies. My husband made the observation that love is more of an intellectual decision for me than a heart/emotional choice. He's probably right.

I love that my husband knows how to romance me. I love that he takes care of ensuring that my car's brakes are always in top shape. I love that he researches things like insurance, investments and other stuff that, although not glamorous or sexy, are exceedingly thoughtful in a forward thinking manner. Today he called me and told me that my car had been paid off! I found that very romantic. God truly gave me a perfect match. I love my husband.

No deep or profound thoughts in this post. Just a confession that I find myself more deeply in love with my hubs every single day. I guess that's a little sappy, huh?

But I said sorry!

I have had the wonderful privilege of teaching high school. I loved teaching and I loved my students. One of the most interesting things about teaching high school is the uncensored glimpse into human nature. I have overheard so many very interesting conversations.

One overheard conversation revolved around the idea of forgiveness equating to absolution. This particular student was very ticked off that she would be paying a consequence for something for which she had apologized. I believe I heard the phrase, "...I said I was sorry!" Were it that easy, right?

This can be a touchy subject for Christians. I've had rather lively conversations with people who claim that a Christian should 'forgive and forget.' I'm not quite sure from where that idea stems, but I do not personally believe this idea is Biblical. In the eternal sense, yes, we are forgiven by the blood of Jesus and our sins are wiped away, but because we are not yet in the eternal, there are often earthly consequences to earthly actions. I submit to you the thief on the cross next to Jesus. Jesus clearly told the thief that he was forgiven and would certainly go to Heaven. However, the thief still had to die on the cross.

My sister-in-law recently attended the funeral of a 17 year old student of hers. This young lady was killed by a drunk driver. The instance of drunk driving that took this young lady's life was not the first prosecuted instance for this driver. My sister-in-law was telling me that her funeral was permeated with the idea of forgiveness. It's a beautiful and heart-wrenching thought, that 2 parents standing behind the coffin of their young daughter spoke of forgiveness. I firmly believe these parents are in the forgiving process. However, forgiving the man who killed their daughter does not release him from the consequences that must be paid for his bad decision.

It is my perception that we often look at a consequence as the opposite of forgiveness. Charles Stanley makes an interesting point with his observation that forgiveness is relational while consequences are are circumstantial. Consequences are a protection for ourselves and for those around us. I turn back to the example of Simon Wiesenthal. He forgave the men and women who committed heinous crimes against him and millions of others. Yet, if these Nazis did not face the consequences of their actions, the message to the world would be one that offers no protection to future generations.

I would be remiss if I didn't recognize that certainly there are times when mercy should be granted. I guess this is where wisdom comes into play. As a parent, I'm learning this delicate dance. So I leave with this thought- "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3-4

Mandiba

One of my favorite books of all time is Nelson Mandela's autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. It would be difficult to be uninspired by Mandela's life. His life is one marked with great pain and injustice. Yet, the more important marker of his life is his amazing ability to forgive and make peace. Truly his life following imprisonment shows the power of forgiveness.

I recently watched a documentary about the work of Simon Wiesenthal following his liberation from Mauthausen. Many know him as "The Nazi Hunter" or "The Deputy of the Dead." Before knowing very much about him, I assumed his relentless search for over 1100 Nazi criminals was out of revenge. After the atrocities he had seen and experienced, could anyone blame him? It came as quite a surprise to realize that his actions were not driven by revenge at all. Wiesenthal's actions were certainly driven by justice for those who had been murdered, but also out of a sense of responsibility to the generations to come. I was shocked that most of his words revolved around the idea forgiveness.

Certainly the wrongs or perceived wrongs against me are trivial compared to these men. Yet I hope the lessons are not lost on me. The power to forgive is a choice. It would be ridiculous to assume that these men forgave out of instinct. Rather, I believe based on their writings and words, forgiveness was a conscious choice. As a Christian, I have experienced the ultimate forgiveness. Jesus Christ died a wretched death to grant complete forgiveness to me. Who am I to withhold forgiveness when so much forgiveness has been lavished upon me?

Forgiveness seems to be a lost art in our rather litigious society. We are a society overcome with our rights and our pride. Rather than rush to forgiveness, we rush to blame. When Mandela became the president of South Africa, I can imagine that many of the white citizens were quite nervous. How would this man treat the very group who had treated him with such unkindness, cruelty and injustice? To the surprise of most, Mandela chose to forgive and worked to unite his country. The humility expressed through his forgiveness led to his greatness. In stark contrast, it seems that we are quick to rush to judgement and rarely grant the benefit of the doubt. We see the worst possible meaning to the most benign remarks. We look for ways to twist words or actions to be personal affronts. It's all very 'me' based.

One of the beautiful things about forgiveness is that it is not contingent upon receipt. One can grant forgiveness without knowing or even needing the recipient to truly accept it. Sure, it's nicer when they do accept and receive in humility, but the grantor of forgiveness can experience the healing and blessing forgiveness brings regardless of how or if it is received. I think of Wiesenthal's forgiveness of the Nazis who brought such anguish to him. Most likely, they did not receive his forgiveness because they didn't see a need for it. Yet Wiesenthal's conscious choice to forgive played a huge role in his healing as well as his treatment of other people.

Weisenthal also teaches us another lesson. Forgiveness does not always equate to absolution. So now you know the next blog topic...

Throw it away!

I have a confession to make- I used to be messy. My mom has told me that instead of cleaning my room, I would shove stuff under my bed or jam-pack my dresser. Yikes. When I was in middle school I found a roach in my room. It was alive. It changed my life. From that point forward I became extremely organized. One of my college roommates used to say that I could organize anything. I even had a very specific system for organizing my class notes- complete with color-coding. There is not a single closet in my house that I wouldn't mind showing to you. I love organizing things!

When my dear friend, Jen, came to me with a book about the closets of our mind I had mixed feelings. What would I discover about myself? How organized and tidy were those closets? To be clear, this book isn't some sort of touchy-feely new-agey text, it is very much centered on the Biblical idea of filling our minds with the truth. Within the first couple of weeks with this book, I've realized that I have a lot of junk in my mind. My physical closets are relatively junk free. I have a strict policy-- if something new comes in, something old goes out. Unfortunately, I cannot say that for my mind. There is a lot of junk up in there. Anxiety, guilt, frustration, irritations, etc sometimes fill my mind. I've organized these thoughts and put them neatly on the shelves of my mind and pull them out at the strangest times. Unfortunately, organizing these thoughts is an absolute waste of time. So in light of that fact, I have issued a challenge to myself- put new thoughts in and throw out the old.

What are the new thoughts? The new thoughts are centered around who God is and what He requires- last week was Phil 2:4-5 and this week is Psalm 119:14-16. I'm realizing that when I fill my mind with God's truths, I do not have time to pull out the junk. So now I issue the same challenge to you, quit organizing the junk and just throw it away! Fill your mind with the truths of God and see what happens.

15

On the inside door of my spice cabinet I have a list of 15 Rules for Child-rearing. My Grandma, in her wisdom, gave me this list. The list is from John and Charles Wesley's mother, Susannah. Bear in mind that she raised her children in the first half of the 18th century. However, most of these rules are quite timeless and bear repeating.

1. Eating between meals is not allowed.
2. Children are to be in bed by 8pm.
3. They must take medicine without complaining.
4. Teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.
5. Require all to be still during family prayer.
6. Give them nothing they cry for, and only that which they ask for politely.
7. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented.
8. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
9. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
10. Commend and reward good behavior.
11. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed should be commended.
12. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters.
13. Strictly observe all promises.
14. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
15. Teach children to fear the Lord.

I must admit that rule #1 is not closely observed at my house! However, I do not have 19 children to factor into my food budget! It is encouraging to know that good child-rearing is good child-rearing...regardless of times and trends. Perhaps the only rule indicative of 18th century situations is #14. However, if we look at the heart of the rule, we discover it is timeless. Susannah quite obviously wanted her daughters to be independent thinkers who were capable and smart.

At the outset, #7 and #8 seem to contradict one another. But it is important to note the presence of the word "repented." This word has meaning beyond a simple 'sorry.' Repentance is a complete turning away from, it is an attitude of the heart. In my pondering of this thought, I can clearly understand Susannah's reasoning behind this rule. When our hearts are repentant and contrite before the Lord, He offers grace and mercy. Sure, there might be earthly consequences for certain actions, but His grace forgives. By extending this same mercy to our children, we show Christ.

"God buries His workmen, but carries on His work." -Charles Wesley

What Not to Wear

My fabulous husband recently took me on a 7 day cruise to the Southern Caribbean. Cruises offer unique opportunities for people-watching and being the person that I am, I noticed quite a few fashion faux-pas. Stacey London would have had a field day! Several days after returning from our trip, I had lunch with my best friend. She shared some very profound thoughts with me that have caused me to think and research a new subject: the clothing of the Bible. I'm not talking about the literal clothing, but clothing that never becomes 'so last year'.

In my search, I found 260 references to clothes, clothing and being clothed. Many references address literal clothing and how it is to be used and/or washed. Other references give specific commands to ensure that the poor and needy are clothed by those who have extra clothing. Yet others draw a picture of how God will put certain attributes on us like well-tailored and impeccably made clothing.

Clothed in salvation- 2 Chron 6:41
Clothed in righteousness, with justice as a robe- Job 29:14
Clothed with joy- Psalm 30:11
Clothed with gladness- Psalm 65:12
Clothes with strength and dignity- Proverbs 31:25
Clothed in garments of salvation- Isaiah 61:10
Clothed with Christ- Galatians 3:27

Balenciaga, Vuitton, Chanel and LaCroix have nothing on these! Joy never goes out of style. Salvation and righteousness are not a mere trend. And unlike a couture gown, the custom-made tailoring of God's clothes are not just for those who can afford. They do not wear out, they do not stain and can be worn to any event in any climate. They get better and richer with time.

"I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me in garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness..." Isaiah 61:10

Not in my house!

High school was not my favorite season of life. I was ready to go to college midway through my sophomore year. I did well in school, but the social aspect of school often left me frustrated and, at times, in tears. Although I don't know how others viewed me, I felt that I did take a certain amount of flack for many of my convictions and beliefs. Make no mistake, I wasn't an angel or a martyr and I made plenty of mistakes. I'd like to think that at some point in life we all feel like our hair isn't cute enough, our clothes aren't trendy enough and we're the only ones who aren't drinking or having sex.

How any of us make it out of middle/high school without needing therapy is a miracle. Or is it? In my case, the miracle was the fact that I was born into a great family. My dad and mom provided so much security and safety within the walls of our home that regardless of what happened at school I knew I would be okay at home. There was no yelling, fighting, name calling, belittling or unkindness in our home. This didn't happen by accident or by coincidence. Dad and Mom were deliberate in creating this environment.

I've been struck lately at how much scripture deals with the home and fighting for our families. Nehemiah 4:14 tells us to fight for our families, Proverbs 31 uses language to insinuate warrior-like qualities. We have got to fight for our families. Not with weapons and brute force, but with the way we conduct ourselves. We have got to decide that certain behaviors will not be tolerated in our homes. We will not tolerate dissension, selfishness, unkindness, rudeness, etc. We will not tolerate our families being pulled in so many different directions that we do not make time for each other. We will not tolerate our homes being torn apart by a society that tells us that we can call it quits when we feel like it. We've got to start saying "not in my house!" more often and determine that our homes are going to be a safe haven for our children, our husband and ourselves.

Homemaking is not cooking, cleaning and folding. That's housekeeping. Homemaking is making home a home- a place where children know they can cry and not be ridiculed, a place where husbands want to go at the end of the day and a place where wives know they are valued and respected.

Make your homes. MAKE your homes.

A little paint never hurt the barn

I like clothes. A LOT. I notice things about clothes, thanks to my mom, that most people probably don't notice. Do the plaids match? Is the nap going in the same direction? Is it lined? And so forth. My taste in clothes FAR exceeds my budget and therefore Dior's only visit from me is via the web. If I were to have an addiction, it would be clothes.

I once had a boyfriend who told me that he questioned my ability to be a good mother. (Incidentally, this conversation effectively ended the relationship.) One of his reasons for this statement was because women like me, who cared about makeup and clothes, didn't make good mothers. Thankfully, I've a husband who appreciates my interest in looking good. I've never been the type to enjoy wearing pajamas all day or go an entire morning without makeup and for this he is grateful. We're a wonderful match!

I have questioned before if my desire to look good is just plain vanity. I'll be honest, sometimes it is. But, more often than not I like to get dressed and made up for my husband's benefit. He deserves to come home to a cute wife. I didn't slob around without makeup, unwashed hair and grubby clothes when we met- why would I 'give up' now? I truly believe that my attention to this detail shows him that I care about his opinion of me. What man really wants to come home to a slob of a wife? I heard a preacher once say "Ladies, a little paint never hurt the barn." How true. Even the Proverbs 31 woman dressed herself in nice clothes.


As with most things, I believe the motivation and purpose of the heart is the bottom line of this issue. Although I am quite certain that most feminists would take great issue with the fact that I dress to please my husband, I am not ashamed of this and am more than happy to check my lipstick and powder my nose before he walks in the door at the end of the day.

Must close for now....I heard about a sale.....:)

Simmering down

I'm ticked. It happened on Monday and I'm still a bit miffed about this. I consider myself a fairly forgiving person, but this insult was pretty intense. In the course of a facebook discussion on taxes, a friend of a friend made a statement that not only should the child tax write-off be done away with, but people should PAY a tax on each child. I can see where he is coming from with the tax write-off, but taxing people for having kids? Really? Doesn't China do that? How's it working for them? This person went on to make a direct comparison that not only flabbergasted me, but made me really angry. This person compared having a child to playing video games. Seriously. He went on to say that, based on my FB profile pic, that my child is 'obviously your hobby and playstation is mine.' What????? My hobby? Sorry pal, a child isn't a hobby.

This struck a pretty sensitive nerve with me. At first I felt quite insulted, that my role as a mother was being demeaned, but then I realized why I was so angry. The anger wasn't directed as much at this person, but at our society's view of parenting. It seems that our society views parenting as a side activity, not an investment. A child as a mere hobby? I assure you, if I had wanted another hobby I certainly would have chosen a hobby that didn't poop, wake up at odd hours of the night and put an end to sleeping past 7:30am. Perhaps if this person had a child of his own, he'd understand that a child is no hobby. Then again, he might not.

Fortunately, the Lord does not see parenting in the same way. We are told to diligently teach our children about God (Deut. 6:6-7). My desire is to help my child want to choose Christ. That's certainly not a hobby that can be laid aside at any given moment; instead it's a lifestyle of decisions, commitments and sacrifice- much of which I've yet to learn. So friend-of-a-facebook-friend, I wouldn't recommend comparing a child to a playstation hobby again. Ever.

Perhaps I should try to simmer down now.

WARNING: Do not try this at home

Food has never been a priority to me. Don't get me wrong, I like food and I'm not a super picky eater, I just don't think about food until I'm really hungry. When I was single I pretty much existed on turkey bacon, corn Chex, strawberries, diet Coke and chocolate. Healthy, right? In truth, I'd rather have great clothes than great food. Sad but true. I happened to marry a man who really likes food. Plus, his mom is a fantastic cook. During our first few months of marriage I realized that it was necessary to plan our meals with much more creativity and care than a bowl of corn Chex demanded. I watched Food Network, bought several great cookbooks and got bold. We made it nearly 9 months before my first absolute flop. Perhaps a recap of the conversation will paint a clear picture:
Kyle: (with pained, trying not to gag expression) Ummmm, what are we eating tonight?
Lisa: (trying to swallow) Lamburgers.
Kyle: WHAT????!!!!
Lisa: Lamburgers. You know, hamburgers but made with lamb.
Kyle: Like 'Mary had a little lamb' lamb?
Lisa: Yes.
Kyle: I love you. You are a good wife and your meals are good. Please don't take this the wrong way, but could you not make this again?
Lisa: Yeah, this is gross.
Kyle: Can I throw it away now?
Lisa: Here's my plate too.

The recipe looked SO promising. We both like Mediterranean food and this recipe fell into that category- what could go wrong? I even talked over the choice of ground lamb with the butcher at Fresh Market. The feta was the perfect consistency too. I used FRESH rosemary and minced all of my own garlic for crying out loud. The stinkin' pitas were organic!! I think I was more angry at the fact that I could have bought a cute sweater or a fun necklace for the price of what we couldn't stomach to eat than I was at the fact that we didn't (after all of the effort) have a meal on the table.

Have your fears assuaged little lambs! You will not be eaten at our house.

"But you're too smart to be a housewife!"

If I had a dollar for every time I've heard that phrase, I'd be half-way to affording some lovely Christian Louboutins. (Would any of you judge me if I painted the bottoms of my Nine-Wests with red lacquer?) When I made the announcement that I was leaving the world of gainful employment for the world of diapers, vacuums and general servitude, I was met with some interesting responses. One person even said, "But you have a college education." There are certainly days when I feel like that Samford U diploma is merely a nice wall ornament. But more often then not, I am thankful for my education and for the ability to be a housewife. And isn't it sort of an ego boost for my husband to know that I don't have to depend on his provision, but rather am CHOOSING to depend on his ability to provide for our family?

I sort of view this season of my life as a true test of myself. How disciplined am I? When the actual pursuit of knowledge and learning are not being rewarded with grades or paychecks will I still pursue them? My child deserves a well-educated and knowledgeable parent; that incentive is of far greater worth to me than a paycheck or perfect GPA. When the only actual deadlines are equivalent to empty refrigerators and sock drawers will I still be proactive and not procrastinate? Will I still manage time well? Being a good time manager is even more essential at this juncture in life. Managing time well equates to peaceful evenings with my fabulous husband and fun weekends with my family. Is that enough of an incentive? Is that a worthwhile paycheck? You betcha!

$75,000

Life insurance. Very few things characterize boredom with as much paperwork and decision making as life insurance forms. In this process I did actually learn something very interesting. My occupation as a domestic CEO (homemaker) is worth $75,000 per year. That is more than twice what my annual teacher's salary was! This got me thinking. Do I really earn my $75k per year? I guess I do, right? What if I had an annual performance review? Would I get a promotion? So I've made a decision, I will henceforth approach my position as CEO of Olson House, Inc with as much fervor, creativity and planning as I did my classroom. After all, my former students benefited greatly from my planning, shouldn't my husband and child receive and expect the same? More to come...