Send me no flowers

Before we were married, my husband used to send me flowers. He would usually send them on Valentine's Day or the first day of school. After we got married, I finally had the nerve to tell him to stop sending flowers. Don't misunderstand, I was very appreciative of the flowers. The flowers were significant of his thoughtfulness and his kindness to act on his thoughtfulness. But, alas, I am my mother's daughter. Sure, I like flowers and if I had the funds (or gardening prowess) I'd have fresh flowers in my home most of the time. But flowers are expensive! It's not that I don't like gifts, but I'd rather have shoes, a gift card or something that won't die in a few days' time.

My poor husband happened to choose one of the few girls out there who just isn't all that romantic. Most girly-girls, of which I am one, are very romantic and appreciate sappy movies. I, however, detest romance novels and am generally irritated by sappy romance movies. My husband made the observation that love is more of an intellectual decision for me than a heart/emotional choice. He's probably right.

I love that my husband knows how to romance me. I love that he takes care of ensuring that my car's brakes are always in top shape. I love that he researches things like insurance, investments and other stuff that, although not glamorous or sexy, are exceedingly thoughtful in a forward thinking manner. Today he called me and told me that my car had been paid off! I found that very romantic. God truly gave me a perfect match. I love my husband.

No deep or profound thoughts in this post. Just a confession that I find myself more deeply in love with my hubs every single day. I guess that's a little sappy, huh?

But I said sorry!

I have had the wonderful privilege of teaching high school. I loved teaching and I loved my students. One of the most interesting things about teaching high school is the uncensored glimpse into human nature. I have overheard so many very interesting conversations.

One overheard conversation revolved around the idea of forgiveness equating to absolution. This particular student was very ticked off that she would be paying a consequence for something for which she had apologized. I believe I heard the phrase, "...I said I was sorry!" Were it that easy, right?

This can be a touchy subject for Christians. I've had rather lively conversations with people who claim that a Christian should 'forgive and forget.' I'm not quite sure from where that idea stems, but I do not personally believe this idea is Biblical. In the eternal sense, yes, we are forgiven by the blood of Jesus and our sins are wiped away, but because we are not yet in the eternal, there are often earthly consequences to earthly actions. I submit to you the thief on the cross next to Jesus. Jesus clearly told the thief that he was forgiven and would certainly go to Heaven. However, the thief still had to die on the cross.

My sister-in-law recently attended the funeral of a 17 year old student of hers. This young lady was killed by a drunk driver. The instance of drunk driving that took this young lady's life was not the first prosecuted instance for this driver. My sister-in-law was telling me that her funeral was permeated with the idea of forgiveness. It's a beautiful and heart-wrenching thought, that 2 parents standing behind the coffin of their young daughter spoke of forgiveness. I firmly believe these parents are in the forgiving process. However, forgiving the man who killed their daughter does not release him from the consequences that must be paid for his bad decision.

It is my perception that we often look at a consequence as the opposite of forgiveness. Charles Stanley makes an interesting point with his observation that forgiveness is relational while consequences are are circumstantial. Consequences are a protection for ourselves and for those around us. I turn back to the example of Simon Wiesenthal. He forgave the men and women who committed heinous crimes against him and millions of others. Yet, if these Nazis did not face the consequences of their actions, the message to the world would be one that offers no protection to future generations.

I would be remiss if I didn't recognize that certainly there are times when mercy should be granted. I guess this is where wisdom comes into play. As a parent, I'm learning this delicate dance. So I leave with this thought- "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3-4

Mandiba

One of my favorite books of all time is Nelson Mandela's autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. It would be difficult to be uninspired by Mandela's life. His life is one marked with great pain and injustice. Yet, the more important marker of his life is his amazing ability to forgive and make peace. Truly his life following imprisonment shows the power of forgiveness.

I recently watched a documentary about the work of Simon Wiesenthal following his liberation from Mauthausen. Many know him as "The Nazi Hunter" or "The Deputy of the Dead." Before knowing very much about him, I assumed his relentless search for over 1100 Nazi criminals was out of revenge. After the atrocities he had seen and experienced, could anyone blame him? It came as quite a surprise to realize that his actions were not driven by revenge at all. Wiesenthal's actions were certainly driven by justice for those who had been murdered, but also out of a sense of responsibility to the generations to come. I was shocked that most of his words revolved around the idea forgiveness.

Certainly the wrongs or perceived wrongs against me are trivial compared to these men. Yet I hope the lessons are not lost on me. The power to forgive is a choice. It would be ridiculous to assume that these men forgave out of instinct. Rather, I believe based on their writings and words, forgiveness was a conscious choice. As a Christian, I have experienced the ultimate forgiveness. Jesus Christ died a wretched death to grant complete forgiveness to me. Who am I to withhold forgiveness when so much forgiveness has been lavished upon me?

Forgiveness seems to be a lost art in our rather litigious society. We are a society overcome with our rights and our pride. Rather than rush to forgiveness, we rush to blame. When Mandela became the president of South Africa, I can imagine that many of the white citizens were quite nervous. How would this man treat the very group who had treated him with such unkindness, cruelty and injustice? To the surprise of most, Mandela chose to forgive and worked to unite his country. The humility expressed through his forgiveness led to his greatness. In stark contrast, it seems that we are quick to rush to judgement and rarely grant the benefit of the doubt. We see the worst possible meaning to the most benign remarks. We look for ways to twist words or actions to be personal affronts. It's all very 'me' based.

One of the beautiful things about forgiveness is that it is not contingent upon receipt. One can grant forgiveness without knowing or even needing the recipient to truly accept it. Sure, it's nicer when they do accept and receive in humility, but the grantor of forgiveness can experience the healing and blessing forgiveness brings regardless of how or if it is received. I think of Wiesenthal's forgiveness of the Nazis who brought such anguish to him. Most likely, they did not receive his forgiveness because they didn't see a need for it. Yet Wiesenthal's conscious choice to forgive played a huge role in his healing as well as his treatment of other people.

Weisenthal also teaches us another lesson. Forgiveness does not always equate to absolution. So now you know the next blog topic...