On the inside door of my spice cabinet I have a list of 15 Rules for Child-rearing. My Grandma, in her wisdom, gave me this list. The list is from John and Charles Wesley's mother, Susannah. Bear in mind that she raised her children in the first half of the 18th century. However, most of these rules are quite timeless and bear repeating.
1. Eating between meals is not allowed.
2. Children are to be in bed by 8pm.
3. They must take medicine without complaining.
4. Teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.
5. Require all to be still during family prayer.
6. Give them nothing they cry for, and only that which they ask for politely.
7. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented.
8. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
9. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
10. Commend and reward good behavior.
11. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed should be commended.
12. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters.
13. Strictly observe all promises.
14. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
15. Teach children to fear the Lord.
I must admit that rule #1 is not closely observed at my house! However, I do not have 19 children to factor into my food budget! It is encouraging to know that good child-rearing is good child-rearing...regardless of times and trends. Perhaps the only rule indicative of 18th century situations is #14. However, if we look at the heart of the rule, we discover it is timeless. Susannah quite obviously wanted her daughters to be independent thinkers who were capable and smart.
At the outset, #7 and #8 seem to contradict one another. But it is important to note the presence of the word "repented." This word has meaning beyond a simple 'sorry.' Repentance is a complete turning away from, it is an attitude of the heart. In my pondering of this thought, I can clearly understand Susannah's reasoning behind this rule. When our hearts are repentant and contrite before the Lord, He offers grace and mercy. Sure, there might be earthly consequences for certain actions, but His grace forgives. By extending this same mercy to our children, we show Christ.
"God buries His workmen, but carries on His work." -Charles Wesley
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8 months ago
Yeah, I make no pretense of observing #1 around here--I squeeze in a great deal of nutritious food into my kids between meals! :) It's interesting to look around at more "modern day" philosophies of parenting and compare--the idea of bedtime, for example. Instead of parents determining bedtime in light of what's best for the children and best for the whole family unit, we now believe that children will tell *us* when their bodies are tired, and we should let them be free to decide when they're ready for bed.
ReplyDelete#8 is a tricky one for me. I understand the sweeping nature of the word "never", and can totally appreciate using it, but something we hear alot is "Pick your battles". Do we commit to punishing every single offensive action, or do we knowingly let things go unaddressed now and then? I would love to hear other moms' ideas on this--with 2 toddlers, I am *consumed* with teaching, correcting, and sometimes punishing right now!
I think #12 is very important. Children need a sense of ownership of property (even small things) before the concept of "sharing" can have meaning.
These are good--I noticed that they are mostly built around how WE approach our children rather than the do's or don'ts of how the KIDS should behave. Earthly representatives of God the Father, and the job of communicating and extending to our children the grace Christ has shown to us. Big job.