Send me no flowers

Before we were married, my husband used to send me flowers. He would usually send them on Valentine's Day or the first day of school. After we got married, I finally had the nerve to tell him to stop sending flowers. Don't misunderstand, I was very appreciative of the flowers. The flowers were significant of his thoughtfulness and his kindness to act on his thoughtfulness. But, alas, I am my mother's daughter. Sure, I like flowers and if I had the funds (or gardening prowess) I'd have fresh flowers in my home most of the time. But flowers are expensive! It's not that I don't like gifts, but I'd rather have shoes, a gift card or something that won't die in a few days' time.

My poor husband happened to choose one of the few girls out there who just isn't all that romantic. Most girly-girls, of which I am one, are very romantic and appreciate sappy movies. I, however, detest romance novels and am generally irritated by sappy romance movies. My husband made the observation that love is more of an intellectual decision for me than a heart/emotional choice. He's probably right.

I love that my husband knows how to romance me. I love that he takes care of ensuring that my car's brakes are always in top shape. I love that he researches things like insurance, investments and other stuff that, although not glamorous or sexy, are exceedingly thoughtful in a forward thinking manner. Today he called me and told me that my car had been paid off! I found that very romantic. God truly gave me a perfect match. I love my husband.

No deep or profound thoughts in this post. Just a confession that I find myself more deeply in love with my hubs every single day. I guess that's a little sappy, huh?

But I said sorry!

I have had the wonderful privilege of teaching high school. I loved teaching and I loved my students. One of the most interesting things about teaching high school is the uncensored glimpse into human nature. I have overheard so many very interesting conversations.

One overheard conversation revolved around the idea of forgiveness equating to absolution. This particular student was very ticked off that she would be paying a consequence for something for which she had apologized. I believe I heard the phrase, "...I said I was sorry!" Were it that easy, right?

This can be a touchy subject for Christians. I've had rather lively conversations with people who claim that a Christian should 'forgive and forget.' I'm not quite sure from where that idea stems, but I do not personally believe this idea is Biblical. In the eternal sense, yes, we are forgiven by the blood of Jesus and our sins are wiped away, but because we are not yet in the eternal, there are often earthly consequences to earthly actions. I submit to you the thief on the cross next to Jesus. Jesus clearly told the thief that he was forgiven and would certainly go to Heaven. However, the thief still had to die on the cross.

My sister-in-law recently attended the funeral of a 17 year old student of hers. This young lady was killed by a drunk driver. The instance of drunk driving that took this young lady's life was not the first prosecuted instance for this driver. My sister-in-law was telling me that her funeral was permeated with the idea of forgiveness. It's a beautiful and heart-wrenching thought, that 2 parents standing behind the coffin of their young daughter spoke of forgiveness. I firmly believe these parents are in the forgiving process. However, forgiving the man who killed their daughter does not release him from the consequences that must be paid for his bad decision.

It is my perception that we often look at a consequence as the opposite of forgiveness. Charles Stanley makes an interesting point with his observation that forgiveness is relational while consequences are are circumstantial. Consequences are a protection for ourselves and for those around us. I turn back to the example of Simon Wiesenthal. He forgave the men and women who committed heinous crimes against him and millions of others. Yet, if these Nazis did not face the consequences of their actions, the message to the world would be one that offers no protection to future generations.

I would be remiss if I didn't recognize that certainly there are times when mercy should be granted. I guess this is where wisdom comes into play. As a parent, I'm learning this delicate dance. So I leave with this thought- "By wisdom a house is built, and through understanding it is established; through knowledge its rooms are filled with rare and beautiful treasures." Proverbs 24:3-4

Mandiba

One of my favorite books of all time is Nelson Mandela's autobiography, Long Walk to Freedom. It would be difficult to be uninspired by Mandela's life. His life is one marked with great pain and injustice. Yet, the more important marker of his life is his amazing ability to forgive and make peace. Truly his life following imprisonment shows the power of forgiveness.

I recently watched a documentary about the work of Simon Wiesenthal following his liberation from Mauthausen. Many know him as "The Nazi Hunter" or "The Deputy of the Dead." Before knowing very much about him, I assumed his relentless search for over 1100 Nazi criminals was out of revenge. After the atrocities he had seen and experienced, could anyone blame him? It came as quite a surprise to realize that his actions were not driven by revenge at all. Wiesenthal's actions were certainly driven by justice for those who had been murdered, but also out of a sense of responsibility to the generations to come. I was shocked that most of his words revolved around the idea forgiveness.

Certainly the wrongs or perceived wrongs against me are trivial compared to these men. Yet I hope the lessons are not lost on me. The power to forgive is a choice. It would be ridiculous to assume that these men forgave out of instinct. Rather, I believe based on their writings and words, forgiveness was a conscious choice. As a Christian, I have experienced the ultimate forgiveness. Jesus Christ died a wretched death to grant complete forgiveness to me. Who am I to withhold forgiveness when so much forgiveness has been lavished upon me?

Forgiveness seems to be a lost art in our rather litigious society. We are a society overcome with our rights and our pride. Rather than rush to forgiveness, we rush to blame. When Mandela became the president of South Africa, I can imagine that many of the white citizens were quite nervous. How would this man treat the very group who had treated him with such unkindness, cruelty and injustice? To the surprise of most, Mandela chose to forgive and worked to unite his country. The humility expressed through his forgiveness led to his greatness. In stark contrast, it seems that we are quick to rush to judgement and rarely grant the benefit of the doubt. We see the worst possible meaning to the most benign remarks. We look for ways to twist words or actions to be personal affronts. It's all very 'me' based.

One of the beautiful things about forgiveness is that it is not contingent upon receipt. One can grant forgiveness without knowing or even needing the recipient to truly accept it. Sure, it's nicer when they do accept and receive in humility, but the grantor of forgiveness can experience the healing and blessing forgiveness brings regardless of how or if it is received. I think of Wiesenthal's forgiveness of the Nazis who brought such anguish to him. Most likely, they did not receive his forgiveness because they didn't see a need for it. Yet Wiesenthal's conscious choice to forgive played a huge role in his healing as well as his treatment of other people.

Weisenthal also teaches us another lesson. Forgiveness does not always equate to absolution. So now you know the next blog topic...

Throw it away!

I have a confession to make- I used to be messy. My mom has told me that instead of cleaning my room, I would shove stuff under my bed or jam-pack my dresser. Yikes. When I was in middle school I found a roach in my room. It was alive. It changed my life. From that point forward I became extremely organized. One of my college roommates used to say that I could organize anything. I even had a very specific system for organizing my class notes- complete with color-coding. There is not a single closet in my house that I wouldn't mind showing to you. I love organizing things!

When my dear friend, Jen, came to me with a book about the closets of our mind I had mixed feelings. What would I discover about myself? How organized and tidy were those closets? To be clear, this book isn't some sort of touchy-feely new-agey text, it is very much centered on the Biblical idea of filling our minds with the truth. Within the first couple of weeks with this book, I've realized that I have a lot of junk in my mind. My physical closets are relatively junk free. I have a strict policy-- if something new comes in, something old goes out. Unfortunately, I cannot say that for my mind. There is a lot of junk up in there. Anxiety, guilt, frustration, irritations, etc sometimes fill my mind. I've organized these thoughts and put them neatly on the shelves of my mind and pull them out at the strangest times. Unfortunately, organizing these thoughts is an absolute waste of time. So in light of that fact, I have issued a challenge to myself- put new thoughts in and throw out the old.

What are the new thoughts? The new thoughts are centered around who God is and what He requires- last week was Phil 2:4-5 and this week is Psalm 119:14-16. I'm realizing that when I fill my mind with God's truths, I do not have time to pull out the junk. So now I issue the same challenge to you, quit organizing the junk and just throw it away! Fill your mind with the truths of God and see what happens.

15

On the inside door of my spice cabinet I have a list of 15 Rules for Child-rearing. My Grandma, in her wisdom, gave me this list. The list is from John and Charles Wesley's mother, Susannah. Bear in mind that she raised her children in the first half of the 18th century. However, most of these rules are quite timeless and bear repeating.

1. Eating between meals is not allowed.
2. Children are to be in bed by 8pm.
3. They must take medicine without complaining.
4. Teach a child to pray as soon as he can speak.
5. Require all to be still during family prayer.
6. Give them nothing they cry for, and only that which they ask for politely.
7. To prevent lying, punish no fault which is first confessed and repented.
8. Never allow a sinful act to go unpunished.
9. Never punish a child twice for a single offense.
10. Commend and reward good behavior.
11. Any attempt to please, even if poorly performed should be commended.
12. Preserve property rights, even in the smallest matters.
13. Strictly observe all promises.
14. Require no daughter to work before she can read well.
15. Teach children to fear the Lord.

I must admit that rule #1 is not closely observed at my house! However, I do not have 19 children to factor into my food budget! It is encouraging to know that good child-rearing is good child-rearing...regardless of times and trends. Perhaps the only rule indicative of 18th century situations is #14. However, if we look at the heart of the rule, we discover it is timeless. Susannah quite obviously wanted her daughters to be independent thinkers who were capable and smart.

At the outset, #7 and #8 seem to contradict one another. But it is important to note the presence of the word "repented." This word has meaning beyond a simple 'sorry.' Repentance is a complete turning away from, it is an attitude of the heart. In my pondering of this thought, I can clearly understand Susannah's reasoning behind this rule. When our hearts are repentant and contrite before the Lord, He offers grace and mercy. Sure, there might be earthly consequences for certain actions, but His grace forgives. By extending this same mercy to our children, we show Christ.

"God buries His workmen, but carries on His work." -Charles Wesley

What Not to Wear

My fabulous husband recently took me on a 7 day cruise to the Southern Caribbean. Cruises offer unique opportunities for people-watching and being the person that I am, I noticed quite a few fashion faux-pas. Stacey London would have had a field day! Several days after returning from our trip, I had lunch with my best friend. She shared some very profound thoughts with me that have caused me to think and research a new subject: the clothing of the Bible. I'm not talking about the literal clothing, but clothing that never becomes 'so last year'.

In my search, I found 260 references to clothes, clothing and being clothed. Many references address literal clothing and how it is to be used and/or washed. Other references give specific commands to ensure that the poor and needy are clothed by those who have extra clothing. Yet others draw a picture of how God will put certain attributes on us like well-tailored and impeccably made clothing.

Clothed in salvation- 2 Chron 6:41
Clothed in righteousness, with justice as a robe- Job 29:14
Clothed with joy- Psalm 30:11
Clothed with gladness- Psalm 65:12
Clothes with strength and dignity- Proverbs 31:25
Clothed in garments of salvation- Isaiah 61:10
Clothed with Christ- Galatians 3:27

Balenciaga, Vuitton, Chanel and LaCroix have nothing on these! Joy never goes out of style. Salvation and righteousness are not a mere trend. And unlike a couture gown, the custom-made tailoring of God's clothes are not just for those who can afford. They do not wear out, they do not stain and can be worn to any event in any climate. They get better and richer with time.

"I will rejoice greatly in the Lord, my soul shall be joyful in my God; for He has clothed me in garments of salvation, He has covered me with the robe of righteousness..." Isaiah 61:10

Not in my house!

High school was not my favorite season of life. I was ready to go to college midway through my sophomore year. I did well in school, but the social aspect of school often left me frustrated and, at times, in tears. Although I don't know how others viewed me, I felt that I did take a certain amount of flack for many of my convictions and beliefs. Make no mistake, I wasn't an angel or a martyr and I made plenty of mistakes. I'd like to think that at some point in life we all feel like our hair isn't cute enough, our clothes aren't trendy enough and we're the only ones who aren't drinking or having sex.

How any of us make it out of middle/high school without needing therapy is a miracle. Or is it? In my case, the miracle was the fact that I was born into a great family. My dad and mom provided so much security and safety within the walls of our home that regardless of what happened at school I knew I would be okay at home. There was no yelling, fighting, name calling, belittling or unkindness in our home. This didn't happen by accident or by coincidence. Dad and Mom were deliberate in creating this environment.

I've been struck lately at how much scripture deals with the home and fighting for our families. Nehemiah 4:14 tells us to fight for our families, Proverbs 31 uses language to insinuate warrior-like qualities. We have got to fight for our families. Not with weapons and brute force, but with the way we conduct ourselves. We have got to decide that certain behaviors will not be tolerated in our homes. We will not tolerate dissension, selfishness, unkindness, rudeness, etc. We will not tolerate our families being pulled in so many different directions that we do not make time for each other. We will not tolerate our homes being torn apart by a society that tells us that we can call it quits when we feel like it. We've got to start saying "not in my house!" more often and determine that our homes are going to be a safe haven for our children, our husband and ourselves.

Homemaking is not cooking, cleaning and folding. That's housekeeping. Homemaking is making home a home- a place where children know they can cry and not be ridiculed, a place where husbands want to go at the end of the day and a place where wives know they are valued and respected.

Make your homes. MAKE your homes.