On Being Pro-Life

Though I wish the abortion conversation were not a political one, it is. I will not rehash the debate in this blog as the arguments on both sides of this issue have been presented in full in many other forums. What I will address is what I know to be true of those of us who are pro-life.

A few years ago I was reading through a heated discussion on abortion and read a phrase that essentially said, "Pro-lifers aren't actually pro-life, they're just pro-birth." I found the statement both exasperating and patently false. Yesterday, a similar phrase was issued on another friend's page. This time it didn't make me angry, it was just plain hurtful. I told my husband about this statement last night and about how hurt I was over this sentiment. He quietly took my hand and led me into the room where our three children were happily playing together and said, "Right. Our daughter is clear evidence that we're only pro-birth." I then told him that I was considering blogging about this but that my emotions would get the better of me. For the first time in ten years of marriage, he encouraged me to act on my emotions...and so I will.

My introduction to the pro-life movement was through my parents. My parents have lived their convictions on many levels and that is certainly a major factor in my own strong conviction surrounding the sanctity of human life and the protection of the unborn. My parents' willingness to open their hearts, schedules, home, and resources to teen moms was certainly not just pro-birth. I have countless friends who have counted the cost of living out their pro-life convictions. To list a few:

Friends who chose life for their own child knowing he might not live through birth due to chromosomal anomalies.
Friends who chose life for their own child knowing she'd face profound challenges, but that her life was created by God and was just as valuable as the lives of her "normal" siblings.
Friends who chose life for their sweet girl who was diagnosed with Down's before birth. (Side note: 67% of American babies diagnosed with Down's are aborted and 90% worldwide.)
Friends who chose life for their darling boy who was diagnosed with Down's.
Friends who have said, "Yes!" to adoption, some have done so multiple times, so birth families would feel empowered to choose life.
Friends who make significant financial sacrifices to support Crisis Pregnancy Centers and/or Adoption Grant organizations.
Friends who make financial sacrifices to help birth moms and dads fund their educations.
Friends who volunteer countless hours to provide free childcare so moms and dads who have less than ideal circumstances can go to work/school.
Friends who chose life in spite of the pressure they faced to choose otherwise.
Doctor and nurse friends who donate their time and expertise to serve Crisis Pregnancy Centers and/or to moms in crisis pregnancy situations.

The list could go on and on, but the last one I'll mention in this blog is a very emotional one for me- our precious girl's birth mom, her extended family, and her birth dad. The first time I met Alanna's birth mama I was overcome with the bravery she showed in choosing life in spite of the many hard things she faced with being a teen mom. She wasn't merely pro-birth. Her mom and many extended family members who supported her greatly through her pregnancy truly lived their convictions. Her birth dad's willingness to trust us with the little girl he loved, and loves, has reminded us in a tangible way that conviction takes courage of action. We dearly love these young people with whom we share a most profound connection. The accusations of "pro-birth" are especially painful when I think of these dear people.

Most pro-lifers are not the type of people to toot their own horns and defend themselves when accused of being "pro-birth only." Most prefer to act in quiet, unsung ways for various reasons. It is likely that we will choose to become exceedingly careful in our outward voice against abortion because we want to be very thoughtful of our daughter's future feelings regarding her adoption. We also, like most pro-lifers, want to keep the door widely open to women who have endured an abortion and now need a soft place to fall. As I have read and have been told by personal acquaintances who have gone through an abortion, abortion providers do not provide after care counseling and the emotional toll is tremendous. We want those women to know they are loved and not condemned. There is much grace, love, and hope that can be found within our ranks...and you won't have to look very hard to find it. We're eager to love you. We're eager to show you hope and compassion.

Why are we pro-life? Because the unborn are the most vulnerable, the most helpless, and the most voiceless in society. Who will speak for the defenseless if we don't?

"Any country that accepts abortion is not teaching its people to love, but to use violence to get what they want. That is why the greatest destroyer of love and peace is abortion."
Mother Teresa of Calcutta

The Final Cost, Part 2

And now, part 2-

To encourage those who think adoption isn't an option because of the expense, I'd pose two questions- 1. Why do you want to adopt? and 2. What avenues are you willing to try? A few facts:

1. Adoption from foster care is, generally, free.
2. A large chunk of adoption expenses will be recouped over the course of about 5 years through tax credits and refunds for adoptive families.
3. Many companies offer adoption assistance. Ours didn't, but God provided in other ways.
4. There are many very reputable organizations that give interest free loans and/or grants to qualifying families. A little bit of time on your favorite search engine should yield you plenty of hits.
5. If adoption is your heart, go sit down with a good financial planner RIGHT NOW. There is no fee and you don't have to be wealthy to do this. These professionals are trained to help you reach your financial goals in a responsible manner.
6. There are lots of ways, other than adoption, to care for orphans, support women in crisis pregnancies, support families who choose life in the face of insurmountable odds, and nurture those who need nurturing. You shouldn't feel pressured to adopt nor should you feel guilty if God is not truly calling you to this.

God provided abundantly for us through ways we are still uncovering. (see this link for the story of how God provided.) We aren't rich. Kyle is an engineer and I'm a mom. When we look back at the ways God provided for us at just the right moment, we still tear up. Seemingly simple things like keeping appliances running, keeping cars running, protecting finances, providing 2nd jobs, and the list could grow exponentially. Before we married we were strongly encouraged by my parents to meet with a financial planner. I'll admit, we thought this was ridiculous because we didn't have lots of money. How foolish! What better time to meet with someone? This man was able to guide us in making decisions that would result in our being able to quickly say "yes" after 9 years of saving. It was God who protected those investments for "such a time." If He did it for us, He'll do it for you.

I've lately read many comments from myriad sources bemoaning the cost of adoption and the amount of paperwork involved. I know it's overwhelming. I know there are times when it feels like you're answering the same question 10 times. I know continually getting forms notarized is inconvenient. But every check written, every form completed, every fingerprint taken is just one more opportunity to fight for your future child. It's often called the "paper pregnancy," and for good reason. We didn't get the fun of feeling Alanna kick and play in utero and so all of those papers and checks were our way of connecting with her. Each one just brought us that much closer to her and so it could be done with joy.

The financial costs can certainly be overwhelming to the adoptive family, but let me encourage you, if you are in the "saving" mode, God will honor the time you faithfully save. Waiting time doesn't have to be wasted time. Our 9+ year wait was so that our hearts could be pruned, refined, unified, and broken in ways we couldn't have imagined. God is the Author and Creator of families. He has you waiting because He's writing the story. It's not wasted time, I promise. Keep the financial cost in perspective- you are using the resources God has given you for a human being. I've never heard of anyone complaining about the cost of a car the way I hear of people complaining about the cost of adoption. A car depreciates the moment you drive off the lot. Let me put this another way, how much vetting would you have wanted done on your behalf if you had been a child in need of a home? How much would you have wanted parents who were willing and wanting to joyfully do whatever it would take to bring you home?

By way of personal testimony, I remember calling my dear friend Sarah one night and bawling my eyes out over my desire to adopt and the impatience I was experiencing. Whether she actually understood what I was saying through the tears, I don't know. But, 14ish years of friendship made up for the unintelligible sobs. She asked me to right then get on my knees and she would pray for me. She prayed that I would find joy in the waiting and that I would confess my unbelief and rest in God's Sovereignty for my family and future children. This prayer time was a real turning point and I can now see how God wanted to break my heart of various things before the adoption ball could roll. Praise God for wise friends who know when and how to speak truth.

For those considering adoption but think the financial burden is too great, be encouraged. If this is God's plan for your family, He will make a way.

Ephesians 3:20-21 has been our family's proclamation this year. We believe it, we've been shown its truth, and we have the profound joy of living it.

Now to Him who is able to do 

far more abundantly 

than we think or ask, 

TO HIM BE THE GLORY...

The Final Cost

Part One...

Now that Alanna's adoption is complete, the question we get most often is, "How much did it cost?" We used to be a little surprised at the abruptness of this question, but not anymore. We actually don't even mind fielding the question. Only a few people know the full dollar amount, but I will tell you that the average adoption falls in the same range as a nice mid-size car.

About a week ago I was involved in a discussion on social media regarding the cost of adoption. Most folks had comments like, "I'd do it if it weren't so expensive" or "I just can't see why it has to cost so much." Having gone through the entire adoption process, these comments really grate on me because the cost of adoption, though monetarily high for the adoptive family, is far more expensive for the adoptee and his/her family. This cost is rarely spoken of, but let's consider this cost-

1. A birth family is relinquishing the joy of parenting. Whether this is because a birth mom isn't ready to parent, the birth family is unable to care for a child, the birth parents die, etc, the birth family, both immediate and extended, pay a huge price. Birth parents are losing all say in the raising of the child. Quite often, the birth parents are also losing any sort of connection with their child. No first baths, no first steps, no first birthdays, no graduations, no weddings. No sure way of knowing that their child is being well loved and cared for. Birth parents are also placing a profound amount of trust in the adoptive parents. The cost is great.

2. A child is losing his/her first family.  Again, the situation really doesn't matter, the loss is still acute. Regardless of whether a child is adopted from an orphanage or brought home from the hospital, the loss of first family will always play a role in the life of the adoptee. Even if the adoptee knows that, in many cases, his or her adoptive family's dynamic and lifestyle is better, more nurturing, safer, more stable than what his first family could provide at the time of adoption, there will always be a twinge of grief. The cost is great.

3. A child is potentially losing his or her culture. Though we adopted domestically, our little girl is biracial and we are both white. We are so very thankful for the open relationship we are beginning to develop with Alanna's birth dad who can tell us what we need to know about raising her in a way that honors her culture. We also have a bevy of good friends and former students who have been incredibly gracious in sharing experiences, entertaining questions, and offering great advice. But we also recognize our limits. I can only imagine the loss a child experiences when he or she is removed from familiar language, food, smells, sounds, and community. Yet another huge cost.

4. Biological grandparents are losing their grandchild. It seems the biological grandparents, if alive and involved, not only suffer a huge loss, but are often completely forgotten. These grandparents have not only watched their child experience an agonizing situation, they've also lost a connection to their grandchild. A great cost.

Though this is not a comprehensive list, it gives an idea of what an adoption actually costs. Yes, it cost us money, but money can be recouped. A broken heart will always carry certain scars. 

Stay tuned for part 2; I'll write about our experience with the nuts and bolts of paperwork and bills. 

Providential Provision

A few years ago I had a conversation about adoption with my dear friend, Rachael. Rachael is an adoptive mom herself and has been a source of true encouragement, wisdom, and support. In the course of one of our many conversations she said, "Well, what God favors, He funds." I now easily tell you this is true.

Adoption is expensive. Very expensive. The mounting bills can seem overwhelming at times and we have used the phrase "hemorrhaging money"more than once. Don't get me wrong, every penny is gladly spent. We spend the money with great joy in our hearts! Because we recognize that our money isn't actually ours, it is from God- the God who provided us with jobs, the ability to work, etc.- it is with steady hands and hearts that we write the checks. It is also with the knowledge that our God provides.

 "All I have needed, Thy hand hath provided."

We have seen the Lord's providential provision over and over again in the last several months. From unexpected and generous monetary gifts to meals provided to gifts of diapers, formula, bottles, clothes, and a very talented photographer gifting us with her services, we have seen God provide beyond what we could have thought or even asked. Every single gift card, every package of diapers, every meal, every gift has been an expression of providential provision. Our dear friends threw a beautiful welcome party in Alanna's honor a few weeks ago and the tangible gifts were an extraordinary blessing to our family. The intangible was just as meaningful and powerful. The provision of friends and family who have welcomed Alanna just as a biological child would be welcomed means more to us than we could express. The joy that is so clearly shared blesses our hearts. My aunts threw a surprise party for Alanna while we were visiting Northern Illinois in July. This beautiful picture of wholly welcoming our sweet girl, before she was even placed in our arms, was tremendous. What God favors, He funds. 

I must confess that when Rachael first offered that wisdom to me, my view was incredibly limited. I thought of only one way- my husband would get a huge promotion. But God is far more creative than that and His method of provision beautifully involved many, many people. His method of provision allowed us to see Him in our friends and family in ways that we would not have had my "simple" solution been the provision. Our boys would not have seen the clear ways God provided to us. Additionally, because our adoption is open, Alanna's birth family has been able to witness the sincere welcome she has been given. This is no small thing.

To all of our family, friends, co-workers, and students, thank you. Thank you for blessing us. Thank you for showing us love by eagerly welcoming our sweet baby. Thank you for every box of diapers left on our doorstep. Thank you for each thoughtfully chosen dress. Thank you for meals brought so I could focus on children. Thank you for gift cards that provided much needed items. Thank you for hugs, words of support, and prayers offered on our behalf. Thank you for loving our family. Thank you for being a tangible expression of God's love for adoption. We love you all and are so grateful to have each of you in our lives. 

Grieving Adoption

The time has come to share this difficult component of our story-

During my middle and high school years my mom volunteered as a counselor for teen moms through a local crisis pregnancy center. Because my parents walk the walk of loving those who most need love, they invited one of those moms to live with us after she gave birth. Perhaps it is because I saw how my parents extended love to young women in hard places that my heart was made ready for these present days.

Women all over the world, in all sorts of different situations, are sometimes faced with the agonizing decision to make an incredibly sacrificial choice on behalf of their children. I don't know as though any birth mother hands her baby over to an adoptive mom without deep sorrow and even pangs of regret. Sometimes that grief is immediate, sometimes it comes much later. Likewise, I don't know as though any adoptive mom doesn't grieve along with her birth mom because regardless of the circumstances that led a woman to place her child into the arms of another, a loss has occurred and to ignore that loss would be to diminish the truth of the situation.

We are often asked, "Are you excited?" The answer is far more complicated than a simple yes, though we are most certainly very excited. We are excited to follow God's clear leading. We are excited that He has heard the cry of my heart and has done a beautiful work in our marriage and in our hearts to bring us to these days. We are very, very excited to see the face of our daughter. We are excited to become a family of five. We are excited to give our hearts fully to our little girl. We are excited to expand our family to include our birth mom, all of her family, and our birth dad. But we also grieve. We grieve for our birth mom. We hurt because we love her and we know she hurts. She is making a choice out of extreme sacrificial love for her child and this fact is ever-present in our hearts and minds.

It seems there is a sort of misinterpretation of how things play out when a woman chooses to place her child. I have been guilty of this myself. I think many people seem to think that once a woman makes the choice to place her child, she has a sense of happy surrender. Though I'm sure there are a few situations that could verify those thoughts, my guess is there are far more situations where that is not the case. Most women very much want the baby they carry, but for various reasons, cannot parent. And so a choice is made out of love. It is a very pure and deep love that says, "I am not what is best for you right now, but I can do everything in my power to give you parents who can be." The weight and depth of this sacrifice that our birth mom is making out of deep, deep love for her little girl is staggering. It takes me to my knees and brings tears that I have never before experienced.

In the midst of this sorrow, we still find joy. We find joy in knowing that our hope is in Christ. We find joy in knowing that because Christ has fulfilled promises like those found in Psalm 147:3, healing will come. We find joy because of a Savior who has promised to make beauty from ashes and give strength where there once were fears.

"...to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified." 

Isaiah 61:3

Why Adopt?

One of the questions we get a lot lately is, "Why are you choosing to adopt?" We really like this question and we very much appreciate those who want to know about this journey for our family and our birth mom. For us, the road to choosing adoption was long and paved with much prayer.

Adoption has been a topic of discussion for quite a long time. We truly enjoy being parents and we take the command found in James 1:27 seriously. We talked about various aspects and options but didn't have clear direction and so we concluded that the answer was to wait. We committed to prayer and asked several friends to join us in praying.  March 7th then rolled around and a picture began to come into focus. A friend sent me a message and asked me to pray about meeting with a young woman who was looking to place her unborn child with an adoptive family. Suddenly all of the hypothetical situations and nebulous ideas became very real situations with very specific questions. The time had come.

After much prayer and many conversations, the answer boiled down to how we would answer the question, "Why would we not adopt this child?" All of our answers had the same root... fear. We had some very legitimate fears- Would people accept our daughter as our daughter? Would wiping a large part of our savings out be wise? Would putting career goals (Lisa) on hold for at least another 5 years be smart? Would those opportunities still be available in another 5 years? Would we be equal to the task? Will this be a good situation for our boys? Would we be the right parents for this child? What about other financial plans we had? Plans for a bigger house? Plans for....But in the midst of all of those questions and the many discussions that came of each one, another question became obvious. That question was, "How do we best obey God?" The answer came back to the fact that we love God more and because we love Him, we want to obey Him. The money is His anyway. He gave us the jobs and skills we have and protected certain financial decisions for such a time as this. The career goals, though not without merit, can wait. No, we likely are not equal to the task, but when we are weak, He is strong. Yes, our boys are ready. Probably more ready than us.

It is no coincidence that the very evening we first met our birth mom our nightly "Bible Time" with the boys was the story of the woman with the alabaster jar. God was calling us to break our proverbial jar. The jar of finances, career goals, comfortable routines, various other comforts, etc. Did we trust God enough to break our jar? Once we realized that God was calling us, allowing us, to break our jar in this way for this purpose we gladly did. Those early steps of obedience were filled with a joy I cannot explain.

Last summer I had the opportunity to attend The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference in Orlando. Though all of the sessions were wonderful, there was one that resonated deeply with me. You can listen to it here. As one who fears God, not one who is merely afraid of God, but one who has a correct fear of God, I am called to action. The fear of God is not a contemplation, but a motivation. Here's the really good news that is part of that- God's grace relieves all earthly fear. When our fear of God is correctly placed, we can go forth in confidence because we know the Lord takes pleasure in those who fear Him. (Psalm 147) This is the source of our joy and our peace. This is the "why" to the original question. We adopt because the Lord called us to action. We walk not in fear of circumstances or reactions, but in joy because God says,

"Fear not, I am the one who helps you."
Isaiah 41:13

The Vast Array of Emotions

Over the course of the last several weeks we have been asked, "Are you so excited?" many times. It is a very kind and honest question and we're so glad people ask. The hard part is the answer. I'm guessing that most people don't really want me to launch into the unabridged answer. The short answer is that we are very excited and very overwhelmed. Now,for those who are interested,  the longer answer...

We are very, very excited about what God has done in our lives and what He continuing to do. That excitement is not negated by various emotions that we are experiencing, but it is sometimes tempered. A fellow adoptive mom once told me that the emotions experienced during the waiting period really can't be explained and can only be understood by others who have "been-there-done-that." I'll admit, I didn't believe her. I thought that I was a pretty intelligent person who had a great desire to understand others. Of course I could build an understanding of those emotions! Boy did I under-estimate the intensity of this time. I also very mistakenly thought that once we were matched with a child and into the adoption process, many questions would be answered and we'd be home free. Another very, very wrong assumption. Some questions are answered, but more questions are created. There are days when the weight of it all is great. There are moments when it feels like because my 3rd child isn't in my tummy but only in my heart, the anticipation of her arrival is diminished by those on the outside. I've heard comments that range from inappropriate to outright strange. I certainly want to be magnanimous because I know many of these comments are probably just out of curiosity or out of just not knowing what to say. But they still sting a bit and sometimes add to the anxiety that tries to creep its way into my heart.

To be sure, the anticipation of this little one is different from that of physical pregnancy. In big and small ways various comments and actions can try to steal some of our excitement. And so we continually take those hurts to the Lord. We keep our eyes on Him and we know that the same God who causes the oceans to stop where they stop and the earth to stay in orbit is the same God who sees our hearts and directs our paths. The question we get asked so often is the one that every single waiting family lives with constantly- "What if your birth mom changes her mind?" Sometimes that question is asked out of genuine concern. Sometimes it is asked out of a sort of twisted curiosity. Believe me when I tell you the question is one that is continually in my mind. Yes, we know this is a risk. It's one we're willing to take, but that doesn't mean it's one we want to talk about. Lately we seem to be getting the question from people who pose it in terms that insinuate we haven't really considered the possibility. We have. We've considered it from day one. It's a very, very scary possibility. Our lawyer has told us that if that happens, it will feel very much like a death and we will need to give ourselves time to mourn. We have every confidence that God will give us grace to walk those days and that what He has asked us to walk through is for His purposes.We are learning to trust the Lord with our hearts, our finances, and our plans in ways we've never had to trust before. It is good for us to be stretched and grown in ways we could not have imagined. Our marriage is stronger. Our love for God is deeper.

It is very easy for me to let my mind wander into places fraught with fear. Places that ask too many questions. Though I think it is good to be pragmatic in life, the Lord also tells us that we can cast our anxieties upon Him because He cares. What a sweet promise! As a freshman in college I was introduced to the work of Dietrich Bonhoeffer. To read so many treasures from a man who walked in faith at costs that I'll never know is of great encouragement. His thoughts are not mere poetry, all of his words were backed up with clear action. And so I end with one of his thoughts-

"But the Christian also knows that he not only cannot and dare not be anxious, but there is no need for him to be so." 

I Carry Your Heart

The last few evenings have been a bit tearful for me. Perhaps it is the still quietness of the house after the boys go to bed that has allowed me to think more deeply about things. Perhaps it is just this waiting season. Whatever the reason, my mind and my heart are working through some complicated emotions that I could not have been prepared to experience. Sure, I read lots of blogs, books, pamphlets about this, but until now these things have just been head knowledge. As my mom says, "How do you explain 'cold'?"

When another mother chooses you to become the mother of her child, it is a daunting thing. She is trusting me with her very heart. Her infant. The child she has felt kick, squirm, and hiccup for many months will be handed to us. She is not only trusting me to mother her baby with absolute love, but she is also trusting me to protect her name and place in our baby's heart. I take this truth very seriously and it sits on my heart daily. Questions swirl in my head. Questions that no book can answer because every open adoption scenario is different. Questions that I have to trust to Jesus because only He can give me the wisdom that is needed right now. The promise found in the book penned by Jesus' brother James is, for me, not just a verse found on a coffee cup. I cling to the truth that whoever asks earnestly for wisdom from the Lord will be generously given wisdom. (James 1:5)

There are moments when the joy I have about welcoming Alanna home is tinged with some sharp pain. Pain because our joy will come at the expense of some deep hurt for our birth mom. The hard truth that right decisions aren't always accompanied by rainbows and butterflies reminds me that the compassion and abiding love of Jesus must guide my every word and action. Sometimes the tears are because of the gripping fears that sometimes overcome my heart. In 20+ years, when we're (hopefully) sitting side-by-side at Alanna's wedding, will she be glad that she chose us? Will she have known that we loved with all we had? Will her pain have been eased by the way we walk out our love for Jesus in the way we love her and Alanna?

Although our little girl has 3 more months to grow before we meet her, not too many moments pass that I do not think of our birth mom. We will forever share a bond that is profound. Her heart will always have a beat in our home and in my heart too. Oh, sweet birth mom, I carry your heart. I carry it in my heart. I am never without it. e.e. cummings

Making All Things Beautiful

One of the most basic truths in Christianity is that this is a fallen world. The fall into sin began with Adam and Eve and the consequences are still felt today. But the very hopeful news is that Jesus has come. He has come to bring us peace and to reconcile us to a holy God. There are many tangible benefits to point us to the beauty of this reconciliation. Throughout these beginning months of our adoption journey we have been privileged with seeing many facets of what this means in a very practical way. A way that is bringing healing, a way that is bringing joy in what the world sees as a situation that doesn't have room for such joy.

"...to give unto them beauty for ashes..." Isaiah 61:3

When we were expecting Jackson I read from the book of Isaiah quite a lot; hence, his middle name is Isaiah. I particularly love chapter 61 which foretells what would be brought to God's people at the coming of Christ. Jesus came to bring good news, to bring healing to the broken, to free the captive, and to make beauty out of the ashes of those who mourn. We are seeing these things unfold in a difficult and yet beautiful way in the life of our precious birth mother. Without giving any details, I will simply say that her situation looked tough. And yet through the encouragement of many who love her dearly- family and friends- we see beauty coming in so many ways. This does not diminish the very complex emotions she is grappling with. This does not in any way diminish the difficult moments that will occur in the days, weeks, months that will follow her placing her baby in our arms. But it does offer a healing balm to soothe her raw heart. It offers the precious and unfailing hope of the truth that comes from knowing that Jesus came to bind up the brokenhearted. There is beauty to be found. Though I do not see that this is the right time to share much of the sweet story that God is weaving together in this particular part of His tapestry, I can say with great assurance that my God is a god who can make anything beautiful. He is a master at that. He is THE master of that. 

When choosing names for our sons, we wanted to give names with great meaning. Choosing a name for our daughter was no different. We desired to honor our birth mom in the choosing by including her in the decision making process and we thought it to be important that our daughter's name carry the testimony of how God worked her life into a great display of His beauty even before she was born. We had 2 names chosen and together we landed on the name Alanna, a Gaelic name meaning beauty. Her middle name will be Kathryn because it is somewhat of a tradition in my family to give daughters family names and Kathryn is my mom's name. More importantly, my mom is nothing short of amazing and as Alanna grows I know she will treasure sharing a name with her grandma as much as I treasure that I share the names of a grandma and a great-grandma. So, there you have it- Alanna Kathryn. Our precious gift of beauty from the Lord.

You've Got Questions, I've Got Answers!

We have learned quite a lot in the last 5 weeks as we have very quickly gone from talking about "someday" to planning and preparing for THE day that will come in August. One of the things we've learned is that when the word adoption is used, many questions ensue. We welcome all questions that are honest and thoughtful. Here's an attempt to answer some of those questions en masse:

This seems kind of sudden. What led to this?
Though this might seem sudden, I assure you it is not. For a little bit of background, read this link. Adoption has been on my heart for years and years. The Lord graciously brought our hearts together on this issue in a very sweet way. Someday we'll share that testimony.

I thought you wanted to go the international route?
Yep. I thought so too. But things changed one Friday night last fall when one of my dearest friends prayed with me after I expressed much of my heart to her. When I woke up the next morning I knew that I had to confess my plans to the Lord and then surrender them. He kindly and gently showed me that He was the Creator of families and that He had a perfect plan for us and for any child(ren) He would trust to our care whether biologically or through adoption. The Lord then made it very clear through His Word that we were to wait. And so we did.

Why Open Adoption? Isn't that weird?Won't your child be confused?
We love the idea of open adoption. The thing about adoption is that it is always a result of profound loss for birth parents and the child. Though we are currently in a season of great joy and excitement, we recognize that our sweet birth mom is in a season of very complex emotions and we grieve for her. We also grieve for the families who were told "no." We can clearly see how open adoption will greatly ease the pain of loss for both our birth mom and our baby as the years pass. I'm sure it could be weird and there might be seasons when we will need more wisdom than others, but we are very thankful for our birth mom whom we already love. No, our child will not be confused. We're not walking into this with a lack of research and we will continue to do much research for the sake of all involved.

When will you tell her that she's adopted?
Well, when do you tell your kids who grandma is? You sort of don't have to. Further, because our daughter is biracial, she will clearly not look like us and so it will be fairly obvious. She will always know that she is adopted, but more importantly she will know she was chosen for us and us for her. She will know the many ways God worked for her good long before she was born.

What about her birth mom?
We love her. She has quickly become very precious to us. Because we greatly respect her very courageous decision to choose life and then choose adoption, we have great respect for her. We ask that everyone respects our desire to protect her and therefore we are unwilling to answer questions about her. She is a brave, brave young woman. That is all you need to know. :)

Can the birth mom change her mind?
Yes, to a point. She will have until baby is discharged from the hospital to change her mind. Once she signs the baby over to our lawyer, she cannot change her mind.

What if she does change her mind?
If this happens, we will likely go through a period of mourning and we will need much support from our friends. Yet we will still see all of this as coming from the Lord for good purposes.

Who chooses her name?
We do. Her name has already been chosen, but we are not ready to share just yet. It was very important to us when choosing her name that we include our baby's birth mom in the choosing process and recognize what the Lord has done in this situation with our choice of name. We were thrilled that our birth mom wanted to participate in the choosing process with us.

I'm sure there are other questions, but hopefully this hits the big ones. We would love to invite all of you to pray for our baby, her birth parents, and us as we travel this path.

A Change In Plans...

I have very few regrets in life. Two, to be exact. One of those regrets is that I didn't enter into a Master's program immediately after my undergrad. For many years I have tossed around the idea of entering a grad program once our youngest starts Pre-K or Kindergarten. Guess what? Our youngest will start Pre-K this fall. Time to start choosing a program! The list was starting to whittle down and I was very close to choosing a school...

And then God gave us something far better-

A man plans his way, but the LORD directs his steps. 

-Proverbs 16:9

A  message that would prove to change all sorts of plans we were making came to my inbox several weeks ago. The message asked us what we thought about the possibility of an open adoption. Our initial response was to pray. Over the course of the next few weeks it became very clear to all parties involved that we were all a good match for each other. All sorts of small and large details began to come together very rapidly and we wrapped our minds around the fact that we would have a daughter in just 4.5 months. I could write a short book about all of the details that came together at just the right moment, but for now I'll just say that my God is still a God of miracles. We look back at things that have been happening in our lives for the last several years, things that have prepared us for something we never imagined, and we can honestly say, "God was working." We didn't know it, but He was. 

Lord willing, we will bring our daughter home in August. In a short while I will post another blog that will attempt an answer at some of the questions I know some of you might have. But for today I invite you to celebrate with us. There is much reason for great joy!! For the last month or so we have looked at each other with joyfully astonished faces and we can now declare Paul's words with a beautiful testimony behind them- 

Now to Him who is able to do far more abundantly than all we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, forever and ever. Amen

Ephesians 3:20-21

Joseph, The Also Ran

My heart has been pondering so many things lately, many of which are just between the Lord and myself. Some of you know exactly what I mean because your hearts are in a state of tendering too. Today I ponder Joseph. He often seems like an "also ran" in the narrative of Jesus' life. But as I ponder his life this morning, the tears flow. The Lord doesn't have anyone in His Word merely for his or her own fame and Joseph certainly fits this bill. He's the step-dad. He's the uneducated carpenter from Nazareth. He's the man who listened and obeyed.

I would imagine that having a betrothed return from a trip visibly pregnant would be crushing. I can only imagine Joseph's heart-sickness over this. What did his friends say to him? Was he ridiculed? What did his parents say to him? How very, very hard. But God is so faithful. He spoke plainly to Joseph and worked mightily in his heart and mind. We don't see Mary working to convince him, she simply trusts. She trusts that the Lord will do exactly what He promised and will work in Joseph in the way and time that will cause him to also trust the almost preposterous news that Mary shared with him. Joseph's story is one that clearly shows how able and how trustworthy the Lord is. Joseph's story reminds us that, more often than not, we need to step aside and trust the Lord's work in the hearts of men. His story also reminds us that when the Lord calls us to something that is so far beyond ourselves, so far beyond what seems reasonable, He will provide. He'll work in hearts in just the right way at just the right time. He is the God who does exactly what He says He will do. He is a God we can trust. 

"Joseph, son of David, do not be afraid to take Mary as your wife; for her Child who has been conceived in her is of the Holy Spirit. She will bear a Son; and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins." Now all this took place to fulfill what was spoken by the Lord through the prophet..." Matthew 1:20-22

BRAT Life

I started to write a really poignant post about being a military kid, but then I thought it would be a whole lot more fun to, well, have fun!

How to know you grew up as a military BRAT-

1. You can easily speak in acronyms.
2. Dad/Mom is not away on business, he/she is TDY.
3. You don't move, you PCS.
4. It is hardwired into you to write the date like this- day/month/year.
5. By 1st grade, you know how to tell military time.
6. You get irritated when people refer to your Dad/Mom's deployment as a "trip." Um. No.
7. You don't go to the grocery store, you go to the commissary.
8. Once you hit your teen years, you start noticing that some of the gate guards are super cute.
9. You know the last 4 of your sponsor's social.
10. When you ask your other military friends where they've come from you don't give the names of cities, you give the names of bases.
11. You often dread the obligatory "Where are you from?" question. Eventually you just start saying the name of the place you either liked the most or lived the longest.
12. People notice that you have a strange accent. That's because it's actually a combination of accents.
13. When other people are impressed with your Dad/Mom's uniform you are unimpressed...they're just work clothes.
14. You've attended enough promotion ceremonies that you can almost recite "the oath" on your own.
15. Family vacations are actually trips to visit extended relatives.
16. You become especially proud upon hearing The National Anthem.
17. You tear up when you see deploying troops at the airport. You acutely know how hard it is to say good-bye.
18. You might walk up to said troops and offer a tear-filled hug because you just know. When they look at you, they know too.
19. You didn't "live" anywhere. You were "stationed."
20. You know rank symbols.
21. When people ask you what your Dad/Mom does, you can't tell them because they can't tell you. But you know you're awfully proud!
22. You've celebrated any holiday, birthday, milestone at an odd time because celebrating together was more important than the actual date.

Any additions, fellow military brats?

Waiting...

I'm waiting. There have been other times in my life when the Lord has called me to wait, but this is different. In fact, this is the very hardest thing the Lord has ever asked me to do. Wait. Because I don't want the details of my personal situation to detract from this message, I'll spare you the blow-by-blow. But, my guess is that most of you who know me well will know what the "wait" is all about. To say this is hard is really an understatement. There are times when I find myself bursting into tears for what seems to those watching like no reason at all. Only a few who are very close to me really know the extent of this and that is okay.

When I was a small child I felt extremely drawn to a certain thing. When I was in college, I knew the Lord was calling me to it. To put the time into perspective, I graduated almost 13 years ago. It's already been a long wait and the fact is, the wait will likely be even longer. It's a sanctifying process for sure and the emotions surrounding this waiting have recently reached a bit of a high. But, God is faithful. He is. He is faithful, He is sovereign, and He knows. He knows timelines. He knows boundaries. He knows situations. More importantly though, He knows hearts. He knows how to change hearts. He is trustworthy. He knows the appointed time. (Psalm 75:2)

I recently read a most amazing article that I encourage all of you to read. (Read the article here.) The Lord has continually reminded me that waiting time is never wasted time in His economy and He is always working. The author of the TGC article articulated 2 points that came around me like a firm embrace. 1- Waiting instills in us that we are completely dependent on the Lord. At this point, there is absolutely nothing I can personally do put an end to the wait. 2- The doctrine of God's sovereignty is not just a platitude, it is what I am living in a practical way. I am learning to lean completely on Him and not my own understanding. (Proverbs 3:5) This is hard. Everything within my flesh wants to make something happen. And so, as Robinson says, my prayer has become, "Lord, sanctify my waiting." Knowing that God is fully at work gives me such hope, such excitement about this. But, I sure would like to know the end of this story NOW.

Yesterday in church we sang the popular tune, In Christ Alone. When we came to the line, "...from life's first cry, to final breath, Jesus commands my destiny" I was nearly overcome. Yes, yes He does! Not only does He command my destiny, He commands the destiny of all who are involved and all who will be involved in this wait and so I have much, much hope in Him. But, I still might burst into tears every so often. :) My guess is that many of you may also be in a season of waiting. May you be sanctified in your wait. May you be greatly encouraged and strengthened as you wait. May the Lord make you strong and courageous through His word and through His sovereignty.

Wait for the Lord; be strong and courageous. Wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:14

To Draw An Analogy

Some of you are too young to remember the analogy section on the SAT. It's a real shame that the College Board decided to drop that part of the test. Certainly I'm not the only one who actually liked that section, right? It was actually really fun- Crumb:Bread::Splinter:____. Wasn't that fun? (The answer is wood.) It was my favorite part of the SAT.

"The power of the analogy is that it can persuade people to transfer the feeling of certainty they have about one subject to another subject about which they may not have formed an opinion." 

-Adam Cohen

Some of you may have also seen an analogy that has been floating around social media for a few weeks. Set up in SAT analogy terms, it looks like this- ISIS:Islam::Westboro:Christianity. To be sure, this is a well-meaning analogy that is certainly meant to draw a distinction between extremists and moderates. But this analogy has some serious flaws that greatly diminish the danger ISIS poses as well as the suffering ISIS causes. It's a very weak analogy at best and a dangerous one at worst. Based on the Cohen quote, this analogy has the potential power to persuade people. Persuade them of what? Perhaps persuade them that ISIS isn't so bad. Or that Westboro is really dangerous. But that doesn't really make a lot of sense, does it? Hence, it's a bad analogy.

Westboro is a group I have spoken against many times. They wrongly represent Christianity. However, as far as I know, they have not murdered anyone. They've not crucified children, beheaded children, gang raped women and girls, buried people alive, committed mass murder, etc. They are a group of about 40 people who hold up poster-board signs that, though they are mean-spirited, are not bringing about the death of thousands. On the other hand, ISIS is a group of 50,000 and growing. They have been very clear in communicating their mission to kill and destroy. Do they wrongly represent moderate Islam? Sure. But that is where the analogy ends and because this situation is far more complex than a crumbs:splinters analogy, the ISIS:Westboro analogy is weak and dangerous.

To compare ISIS to Westboro greatly diminishes the very serious threat ISIS poses. I mean really, does anyone fear for their life in the presence of Westboro? Further, this analogy seriously diminishes the extraordinary pain and suffering that so many have experienced at the hands of ISIS. Though I don't discount the emotional pain suffered because of the actions of Westboro, I don't know as though mean epithets on poster-board can really be compared to the suffering of one who has endured unspeakable things because of ISIS.

I would argue that just because 2 things are similar in some respects doesn't mean they are similar in all, or even some other, respects. The logical problem with the ISIS:Westboro analogy is that it ignores analysis, and that is a problem. Perhaps this situation is one where the vastly overused Nazi analogy might actually work. It would look like this- Nazis:Average German citizen::ISIS:Average Muslim. But even that analogy has several problems. So, maybe we could all agree that no analogy should be attempted.

In Pleasant Places

We have a little phrase in our house that is oft repeated, especially with little Olson boy #2. It goes like this, "Obedience keeps you safe. If you don't obey my voice, I cannot keep you safe." We don't tell our boys to not run across the parking lot because we want to spoil their fun. We don't tell our boys to keep a distance from the hot oven because we want to crush their sense of exploration. We don't tell our boys to not color on the walls because we want to quench their creativity. We have these boundaries and rules to keep our boys safe. We love them more than life and want nothing more than to keep our boys physically, emotionally, and spiritually safe. We recognize that the Lord has given us a mandate to set boundaries for our children for their good and for His glory. This is why we set boundaries.

Many years ago I heard someone call Christianity the religion of "no." I can see how that could be a perception of Christianity. No drugs. No sleeping around. No cursing. No drunkenness. No sex before marriage. No, no, no... But oh how misunderstood this is! I'm quite certain my children sometimes think I am the Mommy of No. Yet my "no" is never to cause frustration or pain. My "no" is to keep my children from frustration and pain. I love Psalm 16. The psalmist recognized that God's boundaries are good. Very good.

"The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places..."

Oh that my children would see that the boundaries we have set around them are pleasant! Oh that I would see that the boundaries the Lord has set for me are pleasant. In meditating on the entirety of this Psalm, I realize there is some work that must happen before the boundaries can be seen as pleasant. A correct fear of the Lord and a correct recognition of Who God is must be firmly planted in my heart and mind. A recognition of the fact that following another god, whether that god be wealth, relationships, jobs, [fill in the blank], will only result in sorrow. Not just temporary or isolated sorrow either, but multiplied sorrow. What hope and joy we have in Christ when we see that the boundaries are set in pleasant places. We are promised a great inheritance in Christ! We are given assurance that we cannot be shaken, that the Lord will be continually before us. We will not be alone within those sweet boundaries. Even as we act on convictions that often open the door for ridicule and other unkindnesses, our hearts are glad because we know we are secure in Christ. The boundary lines are in pleasant places and guide us in a path of hope, joy, and peace.

Being a Christ-follower is not a religion of "no." On the contrary, it full of "yes." Yes to hope, yes to joy, yes to love, yes to security. The boundaries are good and pleasant.

"You will make known to me the path of life; in Your presence is fullness of joy; in Your right hand there are pleasures forever." Psalm 16:11

Standing Guard

Ever watched anyone recover from a sinful decision? Maybe the sin wasn't a personal decision. Perhaps it was inflicted upon the person by another- a wayward child, a deceptive boss, an unfaithful spouse. It's a painful process to watch, but one that can certainly result in beauty for ashes. But sometimes the ashes make for more juicy conversations that are all-too enticing. What a grievous thing to hear or witness a Christian relishing in the sin of another or dredging up what the Lord has already forgiven and covered. Perhaps it is our pride that entices us to participate in this type of conversation. As long as I'm pointing to another, no one will notice me and since I've never done {insert sin here}, I'll look really good!

I recently had the privilege of attending The Gospel Coalition Women's Conference with some dear women from my church. Because we knew the speakers would be teaching through Nehemiah, a couple of us studied through the book in the weeks prior to the conference. God reveals so much about His character through this book. I'll freely admit that I had never read through Nehemiah until now. What a loss! In this oft overlooked book, God is working to rebuild His people through rebuilding the physical city of Jerusalem and through gathering the dispersed. Gross sin among the nation of Israel is what led to the dispersion and the destruction of Jerusalem. So now God is working to rebuild the nation in preparation for the eventual birth of Jesus. I want to be very careful to avoid making personal application where none should be made, but it does seem fair to draw an important lesson from the situation described in chapter 4. Because of the very real danger posed by those who did not want to see the nation of Israel rebuilt, many of the Israelites were charged with the task of standing guard over those who were rebuilding.

With all of the background given, let's get to the point. When a brother or sister is doing the hard work of rebuilding his or her life, you stand guard. You guard the work, you help with the work when called and you keep out the enemies.

Now...go read Nehemiah.

In Their Undies

"How do I get over my nerves, Mrs. Olson?  Some people say I should just imagine the audience in their underwear."

It is one of my great honors to be asked to sing for various life events- weddings, funerals, retirement ceremonies, etc. Funerals are certainly the hardest. From a practical standpoint, there is generally only a very short time to practice. From an emotional standpoint, you, as the singer, must be the one to hold it together. Of the many funerals I have been privileged to sing for, 2 stand out as the most difficult. The first was for a young woman at my church who, at 28, succumbed after a very difficult battle with cancer. The second was for a dear friend's infant son. After each of those funerals people asked me how I managed. Quite simply, God is gracious and He supplies strength to us when we are weak. It is also in moments like those that a singer must realize that your ability, your gift, is not for you. Your gift is for other people. In moments like those, your gift can provide comfort, it can even provide joy. You, the giver, must be selfless and so you learn how to control your emotions because it isn't about you.

Music is a gift. Research has repeatedly supported the cognitive importance of music on the brain. I think you'd be hard pressed to find anyone who could honestly say that music didn't also elicit an emotional response. Armies have known this for eons. Mothers have known this from the dawn of motherhood. Brides know this. Advertising execs definitely know this. But sometimes singers can forget this when we are busy thinking about breathing, diction, notes, phrasing, placement, posture, lyrics and shaping. In the throws of concentrating on the mechanics, it is easy to forget that we are charged with giving something to our listeners. (This is also why practice and preparation are so imperative. Would you give a person a half-finished gift?) It seems that when we shift our thinking to giving to our listeners, the performance becomes an offering, it becomes something that is gracious rather than something that is self-indulgent.

I once saw an interview with the great American soprano, Renee Fleming. In the course of the interview, she addressed the issue of nerves. She was asked to tell of the point in her career that she stopped becoming nervous. Her response was laughter followed by the statement, 'I've never stopped getting nervous. The moment you stop getting nervous is the moment you stop caring.' (paraphrase) And so I say to my students, no, do not imagine them in their underwear. Offer them a gift. Offer them a well prepared,  well cared for, and well crafted gift. Offer a moment of reprieve from the cares of today. Offer your very best. Know that it is okay to be nervous, because that means you care.

I will sing to the Lord as long as I live; I will sing praise to my God as long as I have being.

Psalm 104:33

How Can I Keep From Singing?

For 26 months I had the joy and privilege of serving as the interim choir director at my beloved church. Not only did this season of life bring a new challenge to my life, but it also taught me much.  One of the lessons I learned caught me by surprise.  It wasn't so much the lesson itself, it was the passion the Lord birthed in me regarding the lesson.  Curious?

Before I can share the lesson with you, we've got to get something settled.  If you are a Christian, and I hope you are, attending church and becoming a committed member of a church is not optional.  This isn't my opinion, this is God's standard.  He commands us to be united with other believers.

And let us be concerned about one another in order to promote love and good works, not staying away from our worship meetings, as some habitually do, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the day drawing near.  Hebrews 10:24-25

A quick word search with my Strong's Concordance revealed that the original wording means "to abandon or desert" not just stay away from corporate worship.  That's pretty direct.  I'd love to go into the importance of belonging to a church and will do just that in a blog yet to come.  For now, let's understand that what is to come is directed at those who agree with God's Word in this area.

Music is a very emotional thing for most people.  People have likes and dislikes and sometimes folks aren't too shy in letting you know if you made them happy with your song choices or song arrangements.  I will admit that I fell into that camp.  In fact I remember a time when I, in the hubris of youth, told my minister of music how I felt about a particular song.  What did I hope to accomplish with that?  I don't know.  But his response was great.  He asked me if there was a theological problem with the text. There wasn't. So, it boiled down to the fact that I just didn't like the song.  He very bluntly told me that corporate worship wasn't about my preferences.  It wasn't even about me.  There are 6 other days of the week to scratch the musical itch.  How very true.  I could probably end this blog with those statements alone, but I won't.

As a trained classical musician I will be the first to admit that there are many legitimate musical reasons to dislike a song.  It seems the vast majority of pop music today (to include much P&W music) is insipid, poorly written and requires little to no skill to play or sing.  Yes, this bothers me.  The Lord calls us to come before Him with acceptable offerings, not whatever we could slap together in a pinch.  He also praises the skilled musician.  (Translation- someone who practices!) A quick survey of the history of Church Music reveals composers like Bach, Palestrina, Mendelssohn and Watts among other musical giants.  I don't exactly picture Bach sitting down and composing a 7-11 P&W chorus.  Can those choruses be worshipful? Absolutely.  But I think the danger with those repetitive songs is that they can also encourage the singer to mentally check out and mindlessly chant.  This isn't what God requires of us.

So, with that said, I will also say that if you are a member of a church and you don't care for the music, you are well within your rights to respectfully and lovingly approach the leadership and voice your concerns.  But I would encourage you to ask yourself a few questions first.
1.  Am I just unhappy because I don't like the style of the second song we sang yesterday?
2. Am I unhappy because we sang a new song and I had a hard time learning it?
3. Am I unhappy because we're not singing my favorite songs the way I want them?
4. Am I unhappy because the theological content of the song is not Biblical?

Clearly if your concern is #4, you must approach the leadership.  Aside from that, I would strongly urge you fellow believers to start to view corporate worship as something that is meant to encourage the church as a whole and be a blessing to the Lord rather than something that is meant to satisfy musical hungers. When we are looking to worship to satisfy a musical hunger, we are worshiping worship, not God. Believers must have personal worship time every single day, not just Sundays.  This is where you have the opportunity to sing all of your favorites in the style and key that you prefer. Corporate worship, and really all worship, is about blessing God. When we keep that fact present in our hearts and minds, suddenly we find ourselves less concerned and/or irritated with song choices because we don't care for the outer trappings of the song.

I love the text of Colossians 3:16-

Let the Word of Christ dwell in you richly with all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with thankfulness in your hearts to God.

Do you see what I see? I must confess that I didn't see it until recently.  Worship should teach and admonish. We don't use that word very much, do we?  Admonish.  A warning. And so we can glean that singing is both a method of blessing the Lord, but it is also a tool for relating rightly with each other, and for that gift, we should be thankful. And really, our God is so great and mighty, how can we keep from singing His praise?

Brethren, we have met to worship and adore the Lord our God...

No Desperation

Confession time. Confession #1: I used to watch Desperate Housewives.  I know, I know.  Not really a show that is worth the time or thought and, more likely than not, a few brain cells atrophied during the watching of the insipid show. But you know what I noticed?  Those women were all desperate because they were not content.   But contented people don't make for very interesting story lines, do they?  Confession #2: I really like being a housewife.  I prefer the word homemaker, but whatever you call it, I like it.  A lot.  As with any profession, we'll talk about the use of this term in a different entry, there are days that I don't like the circumstances of that particular day and can be tempted to look to the other side of the fence, but I am so thankful for this job.  What a joy and privilege!

When I left my teaching job to become a SAHM, many people questioned my decision and many people thought my husband and I were absolutely nuts to choose to live on one income.  More than one person questioned why I, as a college educated professional, would choose to do a job that clearly did not require an education.  Those were valid concerns and I think most of the people who brought those points to our attention were simply trying to be helpful and provide counsel to us.  But the bottom line is that we were extremely convinced that the Lord called us to this lifestyle.  And how very kind He has been to us in allowing us to have this call upon our lives.

While following this call meant that I would lay down a job I absolutely loved, it also meant my husband would have to make some sacrifices. This choice means that my husband carries the entire burden of financially providing for our family.  But isn't it a beautiful thing when the Lord provides for both spouses to share in the sacrifice of a call?  The financial sacrifice of this call means that we must plan ahead for many things, we shop consignment stores and we sometimes turn down various invitations that are out of the budget. But it also means that we have learned how to communicate about finances and view our finances as a team effort.  Again, what a kind provision!

There have certainly been days when I do not find much excitement in cleaning toilets, folding laundry and clipping coupons. Being a SAHM is not glamorous.  It is not lucrative and sometimes it really isn't fun.  There are no sick days and there is no retirement plan.  But praise the Lord that His word does not say, "If you are famous, if your job makes lots of money, if your job reaches hundreds of people, if your job is viewed by the world as noble or important, then do it as unto the Lord."  Nope.  He tells us to do everything as unto Him.  Everything.  Cleaning toilets.  Changing bed sheets.  Changing diapers.  All of those things are to be done as unto Him too.  Certainly that will look different for each of us, but for me that means that my attitude about these chores must be one of joy. Joy because my children are watching.  Joy because the Lord has provided earthly items that make our life on earth more comfortable and those things must be cared for.  Joy because I have the physical and financial ability to care for those things.  Joy because Jesus calls us to joy.

We are now 6 years into this call and the Lord has made the puzzle pieces of our lives- the odd and uneven edges of our desires, schedules and needs- fit very perfectly together.  He has been gracious to show us where we each need to shave a little bit off of our own pieces so that we can fit our collective pieces together more effectively and more securely.  Because I am able to pursue the dream of full-time mom and wife, my husband is able to pursue a dream he has that would be completely impossible for him to pursue if I were still teaching high school.  At the beginning of this journey we had no idea that this call would actually open doors for new opportunities.  But even in the midst of that, we still must lay down certain personal desires so we can each serve each other's call.

So now we get to another confession.  Confession #3:  Sometimes I buy into the lie that being a SAHM is a waste of intellect and is really not all that important.  But the truth of the matter is that those thoughts are lies.  No kid ever grows up and bemoans the times Mommy sat and colored with him or played pretend with her or just cuddled up when the thunder was scary.  No Mommy ever looks back and resents having been the one to encourage the first steps or first words or having a temporarily messy kitchen because a 4 year old wanted to try measuring the flour.  So to you, fellow SAHM, be encouraged.  What you do is important eternally.  It is.  Jesus sees every diaper change that is done with joy and gentleness.  He sees every shirt of your husband's that is diligently ironed because you know that is important your man and your doing so will be a blessing.  And He says, "Whatever you do, do it as unto Me."  Because it is that important.