During my middle and high school years my mom volunteered as a counselor for teen moms through a local crisis pregnancy center. Because my parents walk the walk of loving those who most need love, they invited one of those moms to live with us after she gave birth. Perhaps it is because I saw how my parents extended love to young women in hard places that my heart was made ready for these present days.
Women all over the world, in all sorts of different situations, are sometimes faced with the agonizing decision to make an incredibly sacrificial choice on behalf of their children. I don't know as though any birth mother hands her baby over to an adoptive mom without deep sorrow and even pangs of regret. Sometimes that grief is immediate, sometimes it comes much later. Likewise, I don't know as though any adoptive mom doesn't grieve along with her birth mom because regardless of the circumstances that led a woman to place her child into the arms of another, a loss has occurred and to ignore that loss would be to diminish the truth of the situation.
We are often asked, "Are you excited?" The answer is far more complicated than a simple yes, though we are most certainly very excited. We are excited to follow God's clear leading. We are excited that He has heard the cry of my heart and has done a beautiful work in our marriage and in our hearts to bring us to these days. We are very, very excited to see the face of our daughter. We are excited to become a family of five. We are excited to give our hearts fully to our little girl. We are excited to expand our family to include our birth mom, all of her family, and our birth dad. But we also grieve. We grieve for our birth mom. We hurt because we love her and we know she hurts. She is making a choice out of extreme sacrificial love for her child and this fact is ever-present in our hearts and minds.
It seems there is a sort of misinterpretation of how things play out when a woman chooses to place her child. I have been guilty of this myself. I think many people seem to think that once a woman makes the choice to place her child, she has a sense of happy surrender. Though I'm sure there are a few situations that could verify those thoughts, my guess is there are far more situations where that is not the case. Most women very much want the baby they carry, but for various reasons, cannot parent. And so a choice is made out of love. It is a very pure and deep love that says, "I am not what is best for you right now, but I can do everything in my power to give you parents who can be." The weight and depth of this sacrifice that our birth mom is making out of deep, deep love for her little girl is staggering. It takes me to my knees and brings tears that I have never before experienced.
In the midst of this sorrow, we still find joy. We find joy in knowing that our hope is in Christ. We find joy in knowing that because Christ has fulfilled promises like those found in Psalm 147:3, healing will come. We find joy because of a Savior who has promised to make beauty from ashes and give strength where there once were fears.
We are often asked, "Are you excited?" The answer is far more complicated than a simple yes, though we are most certainly very excited. We are excited to follow God's clear leading. We are excited that He has heard the cry of my heart and has done a beautiful work in our marriage and in our hearts to bring us to these days. We are very, very excited to see the face of our daughter. We are excited to become a family of five. We are excited to give our hearts fully to our little girl. We are excited to expand our family to include our birth mom, all of her family, and our birth dad. But we also grieve. We grieve for our birth mom. We hurt because we love her and we know she hurts. She is making a choice out of extreme sacrificial love for her child and this fact is ever-present in our hearts and minds.
It seems there is a sort of misinterpretation of how things play out when a woman chooses to place her child. I have been guilty of this myself. I think many people seem to think that once a woman makes the choice to place her child, she has a sense of happy surrender. Though I'm sure there are a few situations that could verify those thoughts, my guess is there are far more situations where that is not the case. Most women very much want the baby they carry, but for various reasons, cannot parent. And so a choice is made out of love. It is a very pure and deep love that says, "I am not what is best for you right now, but I can do everything in my power to give you parents who can be." The weight and depth of this sacrifice that our birth mom is making out of deep, deep love for her little girl is staggering. It takes me to my knees and brings tears that I have never before experienced.
In the midst of this sorrow, we still find joy. We find joy in knowing that our hope is in Christ. We find joy in knowing that because Christ has fulfilled promises like those found in Psalm 147:3, healing will come. We find joy because of a Savior who has promised to make beauty from ashes and give strength where there once were fears.
"...to give them a beautiful headdress instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, the garment of praise instead of a faint spirit; that they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the LORD, that He may be glorified."
Isaiah 61:3
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