Life's Instruction Manual

We have a phrase at our house that our 4 year old hears when he disobeys or is about to disobey. We say, "Jackson, if you choose to disobey then Daddy and Mommy cannot keep you safe. Your safety is dependent upon your obedience." Because we are his parents, it is our job to keep him safe. We have knowledge, life experience and wisdom that he does not yet possess. He is told to keep his hands away from the stove-top because the stove-top will hurt him, not because I want to spoil his curiosity or his fun. And so it is with God.

Many people like to see God as a celestial being who has passed a list of "don't do" items down to us. Unfortunately, many church leaders and denominations through the ages have only bolstered this thought with their legalism that is driven by controlling and selfish motives. But there are far more instructions on how to live life. It wouldn't make a whole lot of sense to merely tell people what not to do, would it? Fortunately, I serve a loving God who, as I understand at this juncture in life, is more interested in how I live each day rather than how I manage to stay away from the don'ts. When we focus merely on the don'ts we become quite legalistic and often miss the joy in sharing life with others. It also seems to me that when my heart concerns itself with the how-to live, avoiding the don't do's is a by-product.

God certainly does give us various "don't do" items. But have you really thought about those things? He's not trying to spoil our fun or our curiosity. He's protecting us. We are to remain sexually pure until we are married and then remain faithful to our spouse because by doing so we protect our hearts, our health and our marriage/future marriage. Could you imagine if everyone lived to this standard? There would be no sexually transmitted diseases, no marriages ending as a result of affairs and the abortion rates would drastically decrease. Lives would be saved. We are told not to become drunk because drunkenness puts people in danger. Drunkenness is hard on a person's body. My cousin, a dietitian, recently told me about a man she saw who was in liver failure due to his repeated choice to drink excessively. 40 years old and at death's door. Of course there are many other "don'ts" but I think you get the idea. God wants to protect us, not harm us!

As Kyle and I work on raising our boys, our chief objective is to point them to Christ. We realize that we cannot, as Noel Piper states, bequeath Christ to our children. However, we can live our lives in such a way that our faith makes the reality of a relationship with God and acceptance of Christ as Savior very desirable. Children can become easily, and perhaps rightfully, frustrated when continually told what not to do. As a parent of a precocious preschooler I am very aware of this reality. It is my primary job to teach my sweet boys what God requires, not merely a list of things God doesn't want us to do. How would they know how to live if my husband and I didn't focus primarily on what God wants us to do?

So what does God want us to do? That is a huge question, a question I'm sure I'll never be able to fully answer. I know for certain that God calls us to live our faith in every area of our life and regardless of whose company we are keeping. (Galatians 1:10, James 1:22.) We are called to care for the poor, the orphan, the widow and the captive. (James 1:27, Proverbs 29:7.) We are to be considerate and to put the needs of others at the forefront of our actions. (Phil 2:1-11.) We are to guard our thoughts, actions and speech. (Phil 4:8) And that is just the tip of the iceberg! What a wonderful instruction manual!

One of the biggest lessons I've learned as a parent is that I must be extremely authentic in my daily life. My babies don't need deep philosophical or theological answers at this point. They need to see their parents living a life surrendered to the Christ. I am being continually reminded that, in order to do this, I must saturate my mind with God's Word and the truths that are timeless. What a wonderful instruction manual for life!

I'll close by quoting the lyrics to a song my choir will be singing on Sunday:
The Word of God has spoken, we are changed forever
The Word of God has spoken, we are free
We are running to salvation, we have been forgiven
The power of sin is broken, we are free
From age to age, Your Word will stand, forever and amen
(Travis Cottrell, "The Word of God Has Spoken")

I Miss Him

It wasn't just that she said, "I miss him" it was the way she said it. It was the look in her eyes and the fleeting smile that turned so quickly into a lip being bit in an attempt to stop the tears. I imagine the smile was because the thought of his face briefly lit her heart. Let me back up...

I sang at a funeral this last Friday. It is always an honor for me to be entrusted with this type of thing. To be asked to sing for an event that is so important in the life of a family is an enormous honor and privilege, one I do not take lightly. It is always emotionally difficult to sing at such events, but the Lord has always given me composure and strength beyond explanation. I must tell all of you that I came away from this funeral feeling challenged, blessed and encouraged.

The man who passed away had suffered with brain cancer for 6 years. Yet those 6 years had not been spent in woe of his diagnosis. But there was no focus on the way he died, the focus was on the way he lived. This man's adult sons told of how much they admired their father, from the time they were little all through adulthood. They spoke of how much they wanted to be exactly like him. They spoke of how much he loved their mother. They spoke of how important they knew they were to him. What a challenge! Am I living my life in a way that shows my children how important they are to me? Do they know without a doubt in their minds their importance to me? Are my priorities right?

When singing for funerals, I train myself to not look at the family until my part is over. Looking at the faces of hurting and grieving people is more than I can bear. However, during the sermon I did steal a look at this man's wife. I really can't explain the expression on her face. Peaceful yet sad and still very much in love. 49 years they had been married. Hard, hard times they had faced together. Yet they remained faithful to each other. What was their secret? "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19 You see, because Jesus loved, before we loved Him and before we ever even knew Him, we are capable of loving one another. We are able to love a spouse for 49 years.

How my heart hurts for this woman I barely know! How my heart aches for the loneliness I am sure she is experiencing. But how challenged I am to truly LOVE my spouse. To recognize that love doesn't mean chocolates and flowers. What a deep and abiding love this woman had and continues to have for her husband. I've seen many couples reach a point in their marriage where they are merely enduring each other. It's as though they've spent enough years together that they might as well ride the rest of them out together. Oh how I do not want to merely "stick it out." Quite obviously, this couple didn't just stick it out.

God is so sweet and kind to give us the promise of Heaven. The promise of being reunited with those we love because of the sacrifice of His Son. But He is also good and kind to give us promises for today. Promises that He is never far from us. Promises that He is nearest to the brokenhearted. I pray that very promise as I picture this woman's face in my mind. Be near to her, Lord Jesus. And because He is faithful and true, I know He will.

Shoot the Laptop

My guess would be that most of you have seen the viral video of the dad shooting his daughter's laptop by now. Certainly you knew I'd have an opinion about this, right? I will freely admit that upon first watching, I chuckled a bit. But the more I thought about this video, the more it disturbed me. Quite honestly, I think the dad was completely out of line and may have caused irreparable damage to his relationship with his daughter. Before you roll your eyes at me, hear me out.

Consistent discipline is most certainly a key component to good parenting. However, it seems formative and restorative discipline are far superior to punitive discipline. Let's just put on the table the fact that we have only been privy to observing one isolated incident, but I think we can glean a good bit of information from this very public display of "parenting." Should this young woman have said the things she said? No. Should she have shared these thoughts publicly? No. But, she is a kid. Her discernment level isn't the highest. This is why she is not legally allowed to do things like vote, buy a house, sign a lease, etc. The father, however, is an adult. His discernment level should be quite a bit more developed. Why purposely embarrass your child? Do you really think that will accomplish any good? It is my firm belief that the purpose of discipline is to win the hearts of our children. Winning their hearts leads to a relationship of trust and a relationship of trust, generally speaking, leads to willful obedience rather than willful disobedience. This father's public show will not win his daughter's heart and I doubt that was his intent.

It seems the purpose of this father's video was to bring embarrassment and shame to his daughter in retribution for her bringing embarrassment to him. Wonderful parenting tool. How incredibly wise to play tit for tat with your teenager. From a Biblical perspective, not only is this unwise, it is sin. When the Lord disciplines those whom He loves (which He does, according to Hebrews 12), His purpose is never to embarrass or humiliate us. His purpose is to refine our lives and restore us. James 1:19-21 tells us to be quick to listen and slow to anger because anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. Clearly, this father was acting out of anger. Should his feelings have been hurt? Sure. But as an adult, he should be better equipped to handle this. If he had been quick to listen, he would have heard the hurt and pain in his daughter's writing. She quite obviously has many resentment issues. Perhaps he should deal with that resentment. I'm not advocating allowing her to continue in disrespectful behavior, but there are far better ways to handle this situation.

When a father causes shame, humiliation and embarrassment to come to his daughter, the results are disastrous. The one relationship with a man that a girl should be able to implicitly trust is the one with her father. When this trust is broken, the consequences are not pretty. Fathers will stand accountable before a Holy God for how they treat their daughters. (And sons, too.) In my years of teaching, I have seen many young women make very bad decisions because their relationship with their father is broken. I wonder if this father is more concerned with his own pride than with restoring the relationship with his daughter.

Is taking her laptop away a reasonable punishment for her "crime"? I think so. Is shooting it a logical way to accomplish this? No. This will only drive her anger deeper into her heart. How about having her visit a women's shelter and have her donate the laptop to a woman in desperate need. Perhaps looking into the eyes of people who really do have it bad will inspire a change in a way that his rant certainly won't.

Let us seek to win the hearts of our children rather than lord over them with an over-inflated sense of superiority. Let us ask for wisdom (James 1:5) in our parenting. Let us put on compassion, kindness, patience and meekness (Col 3:12) when dealing with our children. Don't shoot the laptop.

525,600 Minutes

After reading the title to this post, some of you are singing! For those of you who are singing, let me ask you this, "How do you measure a year in the life?" Here's how I measure in year in my life:

In becoming a family of 4.
In experiencing childbirth with my husband once again and realizing that as long as I have his hand to hold, his encouraging words and his emotional and spiritual support I don't need anything else- not even an epidural. We're a great team.
In realizing that finding my 3 year old and 5 month old sound asleep in my baby's crib isn't a problem, it is wonderful.
In truly enjoying the 3am feeding and even prolonging the feeding with cuddle time because I know this season will pass far too quickly and he won't be a baby for much longer.
In letting go. Isn't allowing the big brother to "take care" of his baby brother more important than the baby's socks matching his outfit?
In enjoying this moment and not looking too much to the next one.
In learning how much my "big boy" truly cares about people.
In hearing my son recite scripture after scripture with great joy and start to ask deep spiritual questions.
In knowing that God did give me true sisters; not a biological ones, but  sisters who share my very heart.
In God showing me that He is always at work- ALWAYS. (And, He doesn't need my help.)

What a wonderful year this has been. Thankful doesn't adequately describe my heart. He is truly the giver of all good and perfect things.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good!" Psalm 34:8

Tragedy

Joe Paterno died earlier today. By all accounts he was a fantastic football coach, a faithful father and husband and a philanthropist. He served Penn State for 60+ years and, according to many, accomplished everything he wanted to accomplish and more. He was 85 at the time of his death. With that in mind, his death is not a tragedy. The man had the luxury of accomplishing all he wanted to accomplish in his professional life and he was apparently loved deeply by his wife, children and grandchildren. Although his death is sad, as is the death of most, his death is, well, his death is part of life and death.

We are extremely lazy with our use of the English language. We use words easily and loosely without thinking through the gravity of the words we use. I certainly do not want to be cold or uncaring, but the use of the word "tragedy" seems to be a bit of an exaggeration. A tragic death is my friend Eric who died almost a year ago. He died in his early thirties, leaving behind a young wife and 4 month old son. That is a tragedy. A tragedy is an infant dying shortly after birth. A tragedy is a mother burying her son who died of heart complications shortly after his 4th birthday. Those things are tragic. But a man who lived well beyond the average life expectancy, who lived a life he was proud of is very sad, but is not a tragedy.

I am becoming more and more aware of how we use words. Perhaps it is because I have a young son who continually asks, "What does that mean?" Let us be careful with how we use words. Let us measure our words carefully and make them count. Let us concern ourselves with teaching our children to choose and use words carefully.

More to come...

Ten More Things I'll Never Understand

Lest you all think all my blog entries are serious...

10 More Things I'll Never Understand
1. Tattoos. Especially when grown-ups get tattoos of cartoon characters. Tattoos are forever people. Is that barbed wire around your bulging bicep going to look great when you are 70+ and your bicep isn't so bulging? Those barbs are going to be sagging!

2. Why I can give birth (twice) without pain meds and yet stubbing my toe makes me want to scream bloody murder.

3. Overgrown/long toenails. Gross.

4. Not brushing your teeth. More gross.

5. Why it seems that every celebrity has a perfume/cologne. Seriously, I don't care if Justin Beiber's perfume is the best scent in the whole world, there's no way I'd wear it! (FYI- I have no idea what his perfume smells like, but now that I've brought it up, I'm curious to smell it. Somehow I think it might be sickeningly sweet.)

6. Stirrup Pants. Also gross.

7. Lack of proper undergarments. Or, as Clinton Kelly says, "Don't force clothing to do the work of an undergarment." Genius.

8. Wearing undergarments as clothing. Again, gross.

9. The fact that I graduated from a well respected university with a very high GPA and yet I cannot figure out how to work most copiers. It once took me 20 minutes to make 5 copies. Ridiculous.

10. Unkempt mustaches. How absolutely disgusting is it when these unruly things get stuff caught in them? Very gross.

Take It or Leave It

Today I had someone tell me, "We're bad influences. We're bad influences on everyone and we'll be a bad influence on you too!" This was said with a mixture of confidence and sarcasm. It crossed my mind to not respond at all, but my child was watching. I simply responded, "No. You won't be able to influence me." It was a strange exchange for sure, one that my husband and I chatted about for quite a while this evening.

I think the two ladies who made their very assertive remarks were a bit taken aback at my response. Certainly my response was not made out of a poor attitude or arrogance. My response was really made more for the benefit of my son than for those who made the original comment. You see, I want my son to know that it is not only okay to be completely sure of your beliefs and standards, it is good and right to live them out with assurance and confidence. Could this be misinterpreted as arrogance? In our politically correct, let's-not-stand-for-anything society, assertion of beliefs can sometimes be misinterpreted. Heaven forbid we actually draw a line in the sand. But is it not somewhat arrogant to assert that you have the power to be a bad influence on any and everyone?

If you know me, you know my heart and intention is not arrogance at all. Yet you also know that I believe what I believe and that won't change regardless of whose company surrounds me. My beliefs and standards are the same whether I am at church, work, social/family gatherings or any other setting. Years ago a verse in Galatians jumped out at me and had a huge impact on my life. Galatians 1:10 "Am I trying to win the approval of human beings or of God? Am I trying to please people? If I am trying to please people, I am not a servant of Christ." In other words, trying to keep everyone pleased with you at the expense of pleasing God is just flat wrong. Because I believe the Bible to be completely true and accurate, I must live by the truth of The Gospel. If you do not choose to believe in God's Word, I certainly do not hold you to this standard. On the other hand, if you do claim the name of Christ, you are held to this standard not by me but by God.

My precious friend Jen and I have been talking quite a lot about living authentic lives, lives that truly reflect our belief in God's Word. As a Christian, there are certain standards God holds all Christians to. I believe Galatians 1:10 tells us that we are not to be "chameleons." In other words, if we have one set of speech and actions for one group of people and a different set of speech for another set of people we are not living authentic lives. If a person can easily transition from speaking "God-speak" to then speaking of their favorite method for attaining drunkenness, using foul language or pursuing a lifestyle that is clearly not within the perimeters of Biblical freedom (sex outside of marriage, dishonest business practices, racist attitudes, abusive actions, etc) I would dare say this is not an authentic lifestyle. Let me be abundantly clear that I do not hold those who do not claim the name of Christian to these beliefs anymore than my Jewish friends hold me to a standard of a Kosher diet. But what I do expect out of people is authenticity and consistency.

I have several friends who are not Christians. The reason we can maintain a friendship is because they do not try to change my beliefs and I do not try to force mine upon them. I simply live my life unapologetically and as consistently as God graciously allows me. Should any of my friends have questions about my beliefs I think they know the line of communication is always open.

Back to the 2 ladies I met yesterday...I think they were a little surprised at my response. To be completely honest, I was quite surprised at their eagerness to proclaim how bad of an influence they could be. However, we all ended up having a very nice meal together and had some wonderful conversation. I doubt our paths will cross again, but should the opportunity arise I would gladly welcome conversation with them. And because I love Jesus so much and am so thankful for all He has done in my life, if either of these ladies should want to ask questions I would be more than happy to answer.

"If you do not stand for something, you'll fall for anything."