Shoot the Laptop

My guess would be that most of you have seen the viral video of the dad shooting his daughter's laptop by now. Certainly you knew I'd have an opinion about this, right? I will freely admit that upon first watching, I chuckled a bit. But the more I thought about this video, the more it disturbed me. Quite honestly, I think the dad was completely out of line and may have caused irreparable damage to his relationship with his daughter. Before you roll your eyes at me, hear me out.

Consistent discipline is most certainly a key component to good parenting. However, it seems formative and restorative discipline are far superior to punitive discipline. Let's just put on the table the fact that we have only been privy to observing one isolated incident, but I think we can glean a good bit of information from this very public display of "parenting." Should this young woman have said the things she said? No. Should she have shared these thoughts publicly? No. But, she is a kid. Her discernment level isn't the highest. This is why she is not legally allowed to do things like vote, buy a house, sign a lease, etc. The father, however, is an adult. His discernment level should be quite a bit more developed. Why purposely embarrass your child? Do you really think that will accomplish any good? It is my firm belief that the purpose of discipline is to win the hearts of our children. Winning their hearts leads to a relationship of trust and a relationship of trust, generally speaking, leads to willful obedience rather than willful disobedience. This father's public show will not win his daughter's heart and I doubt that was his intent.

It seems the purpose of this father's video was to bring embarrassment and shame to his daughter in retribution for her bringing embarrassment to him. Wonderful parenting tool. How incredibly wise to play tit for tat with your teenager. From a Biblical perspective, not only is this unwise, it is sin. When the Lord disciplines those whom He loves (which He does, according to Hebrews 12), His purpose is never to embarrass or humiliate us. His purpose is to refine our lives and restore us. James 1:19-21 tells us to be quick to listen and slow to anger because anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. Clearly, this father was acting out of anger. Should his feelings have been hurt? Sure. But as an adult, he should be better equipped to handle this. If he had been quick to listen, he would have heard the hurt and pain in his daughter's writing. She quite obviously has many resentment issues. Perhaps he should deal with that resentment. I'm not advocating allowing her to continue in disrespectful behavior, but there are far better ways to handle this situation.

When a father causes shame, humiliation and embarrassment to come to his daughter, the results are disastrous. The one relationship with a man that a girl should be able to implicitly trust is the one with her father. When this trust is broken, the consequences are not pretty. Fathers will stand accountable before a Holy God for how they treat their daughters. (And sons, too.) In my years of teaching, I have seen many young women make very bad decisions because their relationship with their father is broken. I wonder if this father is more concerned with his own pride than with restoring the relationship with his daughter.

Is taking her laptop away a reasonable punishment for her "crime"? I think so. Is shooting it a logical way to accomplish this? No. This will only drive her anger deeper into her heart. How about having her visit a women's shelter and have her donate the laptop to a woman in desperate need. Perhaps looking into the eyes of people who really do have it bad will inspire a change in a way that his rant certainly won't.

Let us seek to win the hearts of our children rather than lord over them with an over-inflated sense of superiority. Let us ask for wisdom (James 1:5) in our parenting. Let us put on compassion, kindness, patience and meekness (Col 3:12) when dealing with our children. Don't shoot the laptop.