A well-known Bible teacher said in one of her teachings, "While they are young, and think you know everything, teach them all you know!" Well, my sweet sons, here is what I know:
1. Any woman who dares to pursue you is not the woman for you. Yes, I know this flies in the face of current culture. I know this flies in the face of most Rom-Coms too. Well, your life does not have a script writer out of Hollywood who is only interested in box office sales. Your life is real life. From a Biblical perspective, it is not for a woman to pursue a man. This is for good reason. When the relationship begins with an improper balance, it likely will not end well. I've seen enough of these relationships to have made 2 general observations- 1. A man who is willing to allow a woman to pursue him is a very likely a push-over. -or- 2. A man who is willing to allow a woman to pursue him is looking for a woman he can control and manipulate. He knows that if she pursued him, she felt an unhealthy and desperate need to have a man in her life. This type of man is the type of man who will not compliment, encourage or truly respect a woman. Don't be either of those men.
2. Set a standard, set it early and set it in stone. My Jackson likes girls. He likes them a lot. He likes 5 year olds, he likes 14 year olds, he likes 24 year olds. He really, really likes girls. As we were driving home from VPK one day he confessed his adoration for a little girl in his class. I asked him why he was so enamored with this little girl. He told me that he liked her hair, how she dressed and that she was so pretty. And, by the way, she's nice too. This conversation was a huge moment for me. Huge. This conversation showed me the imperative need to teach my son the importance of recognizing beauty as the Lord recognizes beauty. The Lord defines a beautiful woman in ways the world does not.
Let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God’s sight is very precious. - 1 Peter 3:4
Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised. - Proverbs 31:30
Many a man has been ruined by a physically beautiful woman. Oh how my prayer for you boys is that you will make character your first priority. Does she love the Lord? Is she generous, kind, teachable? Is she smart? Is she capable and trustworthy? Do not compromise. Do not lower your standard. Do not settle.
3. If a woman rejects your pursuit of her, be gracious. If you ask a girl out and she refuses your request, do not make the situation awkward for her. Be a gentleman, not a jerk. Don't speak poorly of her, don't gossip about her, don't try to make her "regret it" by pursuing her best friend. Man up and deal with it in a way that reflects well upon your character.
4. Flee from the provocative. It is nothing new for a woman to try to attract a man through her manner of dress. Maybe I should say her lack of dress. Flee from these women. If a woman's primary method of attracting your attention is her physical appearance, you need to run and you need to run fast. This woman has things that need to be worked out before she can enter into a healthy relationship.
5. Always, always be a gentleman. Go to the door to meet her. Hold doors open. Open the car doors. Pay for the date. If you say you are going to call, call. Do not make "boy sounds" around her, she is not one of your locker-room buddies. Treat her as a lady. Respect her as a child of God.
Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of mind regard one another as more important than yourselves... Phil 2:3
6. Don't date. Yet another counter-cultural idea. I've heard this thought with regard to dating-
Dating is like going to the grocery store with no money. You will either leave hungry and frustrated or you will take something that does not belong to you.
Yes, I am well aware that society tells us a different tale. But dating "for fun" is dangerous and I'm going to say it- it is not Biblical. You will end up with a broken heart or you will break someone else's heart. You will regret the time spent in this pursuit. When you are old enough and could theoretically get married, you start looking for a wife. Pursuing a woman with this intention will both sift the women who you are not suited for out very quickly and it will refine you as a man.
7. Guard her heart. Guard a woman's heart very, very carefully. You do not lead her on in the belief that the relationship is leading to marriage if it clearly is not. That is deceptive and selfish. If you do this, I will find you and I will spank you. I don't care if you are bigger than me. I am your mother. Do not make promises you cannot possibly keep. Do not say things you do not mean simply to avoid an uncomfortable conversation. Do not ever put her or yourself in a position that could cause shame, embarrassment or humiliation. Protect her reputation. If she sees the need to break up with you, you handle this as a gentleman and you treat her with dignity and respect. If you need to break up with her, you handle her heart with great care and compassion.
Above all, remember that no one on this earth loves you more than your parents. We desperately love you boys. Your good and your joy are so incredibly important to us. Because of that, we will create boundaries for your good. We will make decisions that you do not like for the present moment. We will always love you.
On point, as always Lisa. Even made me think about my actions as a woman and things I've done in my past that were not righteous. Thanks for always being a beacon of Light.
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