The Men In My Life

The arrival of our new little boy means I am officially outnumbered at our house. 3 boys, 1 girl. Our cat is a girl, but since she seems to be waging war on my carpet and nightly tries to steal my pillow, I'd hardly put her in my camp. Anybody want a cat? Thankfully, all of my boys seem to respect the carpet and none of them have tried to steal my pillow. Stealing sleep is a completely different issue.

Our younger son, Bryant, arrived at 2:45am on February 9th. He has been an absolute joy to our family and we are so very thankful for him. His arrival has caused me to reflect upon some of the wise parenting advice given to me over the years. Shortly after Jackson's arrival, my Grandma Marge wisely told me that I should always be mindful of the fact that I am not raising children, I am raising adults. Digesting these words can cause a new mama to feel quite daunted, but these words have actually given me much courage and purpose.

I'll be the first to admit that being a full-time mommy can sometimes feel a little mundane and purposeless. (Is purposeless a word? You understand what I mean so therefore, it is!) It is in the seemingly purposeless moments of picking up plastic soldiers, cleaning peanut buttery fingerprints off of the table and folding tiny socks that I am reminded of my Grandma's wisdom. As I require Jackson to do more chores around the house I sometimes think, "Gee whiz, this would be so much easier and faster to just do this myself." Then the words remind me that patiently teaching my son to pick up his toys results in far more than the temporary result of a clean home, it results in teaching long-term responsibility and work ethic. Certainly there are more anecdotal examples, but I think you get the idea. Continually reminding myself of my Grandma's wisdom has truly shaped my mothering and makes the seemingly mundane tasks of the day look more like an investment than a mere chore. Isn't that what we are doing, for better or worse, investing in our children's character?

Let us be challenged with the knowledge that everyday events, activities and tasks are opportunities to shape our 'adults in training.' A daunting task? Most certainly! I find myself praying for wisdom quite often. What a precious promise we have in James 1:5 "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all men generously and without reproach." Let us also be encouraged with the knowledge that the seeds we sow today, seeds that might seem insignificant and tiny, will grow in time.

Ewwww!!!! Termites!!!

When my husband and I moved to our new home in Bluewater Bay we were warmly welcomed to our new neighborhood and then quickly warned about swarm. What is "swarm" you ask? Swarm is when the termites make their yearly visit. We very promptly contacted our pest control company and had our house treated and inspected. The very nice inspector told me that although our house was treated, termites would still show up but would quickly die upon arrival. So when I walked into my kitchen and saw many near-death termites earlier this week, I calmly dealt with the situation. Hahahaha! In reality, I quietly freaked out (didn't want to scare the babies) and called my husband. Kyle did what any sensitive husband would do- he called the pest control man. His statement? "If they're on the floor that means they didn't find a place to nest, but I'll come and check....if mama's not happy ain't nobody happy!"

It may be a cliche phrase, but there is quite a lot of truth in it. Mothers have the ability to set the tone of the home. Let us never underestimate our power and influence as mothers. James Robison sums up this idea best with the following: "Attitude creates atmosphere, atmosphere creates climate and climate creates a culture." Isn't that what we all hope to do? Create a culture through our children? I firmly believe that our homes are the most influential place for children, whether good or bad. Permit me to make Robison's statement as practical as possible. If we, as mothers, have an attitude of complaint we create an atmosphere of discontent and therefore a climate of want which leads to a culture of greed.

Anyone who knows me at all knows that Corrie Ten Boom is one of my personal heroes. What a remarkable and brave woman. During WWII Corrie, along with her elderly father and sister, hid many Jewish families. Unfortunately, they were caught by the Nazis and sent to various Concentration Camps, ending at the notorious Ravensbruck. In her book, The Hiding Place, Ten Boom explains why she was so thankful for the lice and fleas that infested her bunkhouse at the camp. (You'll have to read the book to find out why!) What an amazing attitude in such a deplorable situation. Would anyone look down on her had she complained of the lice and fleas? Probably not. How much more should I be thankful for my day to day life? Thankful for a working washer and dryer. Thankful for the laundry because it means that I have two healthy and growing boys and the means to clothe them. Thankful for the crumbs on the dining room table because it means my family is fed and has a place to eat. Thankful for so, so much.

Many other attitudes could be tested by Robison's thought. What does an attitude of easy frustration cause? What about an attitude of laziness? But what if we, as mothers, committed to having an attitude of grace, mercy, patience, gentleness, understanding and joy? What sort of culture could we produce? Let us not take our jobs lightly. Let us go about our jobs as mothers with great fervor and intention.

"Whatever you do, do it to the glory of God." 1 Cor. 10:31

Back to those pesky and nasty termites. Am I thankful for them? Well, I'm thankful that they aren't nesting in my house. But I bet Mike, our kindly pest control man, is very thankful for our dead termites. After all, those pesky things provide him with a job and for that, I am grateful.

Sorrows Like Sea Billows

Have you ever kept yourself from crying because you just knew that if you started it might not stop? That's me this morning. Everything within me wants to just weep. I don't mean just a few tears, I'm talking about the kind of sobbing that involves the entire body. You see, a friend of mine died yesterday. He fought a very hard 8 month battle with stomach cancer and leaves behind a young wife and infant son. Life on this earth is not fair and sometimes it just downright stinks. Understand my sobbing is not for him, but for his wife and son. I am certain he now resides in Heaven without cancer and therefore I have great joy for him. The extreme sorrow I feel is for his family. As a mother to a little boy who adores his daddy, my heart absolutely breaks at the thought that this little boy won't have his daddy to play with, learn from and adore. As a wife who is madly in love with her husband, my heart bleeds for this young woman.

For as long as I can remember I've always used music as an outlet for my emotions. Of course this is not a new concept. The Bible, along with other ancient texts, shows much evidence that this has been a practice of people for many centuries. Most beloved hymns were written out of trials or sorrows and are rich with comfort through truth. Since learning of my friend's death I have been continually singing the words to the hymn, "It Is Well." The hymn-writer knew great sorrow before penning the words to this hymn. His wife and daughters had just died in a tragic accident at sea. He opens his hymn with the following words:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way
When sorrows like sea billows roll
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say
It is well, it is well with my soul.

Isn't it interesting that he compares peace to a body of water? I recently learned a little bit about rivers through a Bible study I am in the midst of completing. Rivers aren't really all that peaceful but instead are quite active. Perhaps that is this hymn-writer's point. He knew having peace in his life was a result of an active relationship with Jesus. Furthermore, rivers are always connected to 2 other bodies of water- a source and an outlet. And so it is with peace, it must be connected to a source. The final thought on rivers and peace would be the fact that it is impossible to see the source and the outlet of a river at one time. Unlike an average sized lake, where the boundaries can all be seen in one panoramic sweep, a river's end cannot be seen from a river's beginning. I think peace is much the same way. At the beginning of a trial or season of sorrow we cannot see the end, but if there is a beginning there will be an ending.

A seldom sung, yet beautiful verse from the aforementioned hymn seems the most fitting way to close this post.

For me be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live
If Jordan above me shall roll
No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul
-Horatio Spafford

Coach Kyle

I can tell you quite a few details about the day I met my husband. He was wearing khaki shorts, brown sandals, a blue shirt with a horizontal yellow stripe across the chest and he looked GOOD. Really, really good. But had someone told me that he would become my husband 22 months later I would have rolled my eyes in response. I completely misjudged him in our initial meeting. Don't judge a book by the cover, right? On the day we married, I knew I truly loved him and there were no doubts in my head or heart. We spent a little over a year having fun, figuring each other out and just enjoying each other's presence. I thought he was just fabulous, but it was not until October 25th, 2007 that I started to completely understand the extent of this.

I woke up on the morning of the 25th and realized I was in labor. Not wanting to wake up my peacefully sleeping husband, I took a shower, started a load of laundry and did a little yoga before waking him. Our drive to the hospital wasn't a silly drama-filled experience as portrayed on tv; instead we were filled with excitement and laughed most of the way there. As labor progressed, we moved from laughing to umm..... well....not laughing.

To fully understand the rest of the story, it is important to note that when people learned we planned on having a natural delivery we were met with all sorts of comments and "advice." Most of the comments centered around how Kyle would not be able to say or do anything right and I would be screaming obscenities at him. Well, we DID deliver naturally and there were NO obscenities and Kyle did EVERYTHING right. I'm sure Kyle's memory is a bit different than mine, but he was a fantastic coach. And when I say "we did deliver..." I truly mean WE. Sure, my body was doing the physical work, but Kyle did a lot of the work too. One thing is really evident in looking at pictures of the hours just after Jackson's birth - Kyle looked exhausted. His emotional, mental and spiritual support through Jackson's delivery was hard work! But more importantly, his support was evidence of God's perfect ability as 'matchmaker.'

We are approaching the last few days of our current pregnancy and although I am not excited about the pain of labor, I am looking forward to the bonding that I get to experience with Kyle. Am I completely smitten with him? Yep! Unashamedly so. My mom often says that marriage must be a team effort. I am so thankful that Kyle is the head coach for Team Olson.

And so, Kyle Olson, I'm awfully glad you made it home in time for us to be together for the delivery of our little boy! I love you and like you more and more each day.

Yes, Westboro Baptist, there is a Savior

Over the centuries many groups have manipulated the message of the Bible to suit their selfish ambitions. Horrible dictators and cult leaders have used its ancient pages to cause great harm to millions. Unfortunately, many church leaders over the centuries have also used the Bible in a multitude of selfish ways. Case in point, Westboro Baptist. There are few groups on earth who disgust me as much as this particular group. My disgust comes from the very fact that they claim to be followers of the same God and the same Savior as me and yet I find no Biblical backing for their actions.

Last Sunday evening my Dad and I were discussing the horrible shooting spree in Arizona. One of us mentioned that it would not be surprising if the people from Westboro made an unwanted appearance at the victims' funerals. Guess what I happened to see on a news website the very next morning? You got it. Westboro plans to demonstrate at the funerals of the victims. Classy. Real classy.

It absolutely turns my stomach to see this hate-filled behavior from anyone, but when it comes from people who claim to share my faith it makes my blood boil. These people have absolutely no Biblical foundation to stand upon. In fact, the Bible says that God is near to the brokenhearted (Psalm 34:18, 147:3) and has sent a Savior to bind up those who are brokenhearted. (Isaiah 61:1) Furthermore, the Jesus Christ I know and read about is a Man of great kindness and is one who GIVES dignity. Perhaps the zealots at Westboro should read a bit more deeply into the story of the adulterous woman. Jesus didn't stand up with hate-filled, condemning signs at the woman's stoning. Just the opposite! Displaying much grace and love, He intervened on her behalf and wisely drew attention to the fact that those men who were so ready to throw stones were not blameless. The fact of the matter is that Jesus was most harsh and critical of the sanctimonious religious leaders who were very quick to condemn and mistreat.

What I most detest about groups like Westboro is that because of their selfish and manipulative motives, these groups completely misrepresent the Gospel of Christ. These people seem to think (based upon their actions) they somehow earned God's love on their own and no one else could possibly attain what they have attained. Well, Westboro Baptist, Christ died for ALL. He died for those you target and prey upon. Christ's love and sacrifice was not contingent upon our goodness, our righteousness or our accomplishments. Nor was His sacrifice contingent upon whether we would accept His offer of salvation. We can ALL stand forgiven at the cross. "God demonstrates His love for us in that while we were STILL SINNERS, Christ died for us." Romans 5:8 Yes, Westboro Baptist, there is a Savior whose forgiveness and love are not contingent upon your opinions.

Skipping Santa

The Christmas Season is my favorite season of the entire year. As any of my former choral students can tell you, I LOVE Christmas music. I just love drinking from Christmas mugs, decorating the house, eating off of Christmas dishes, lighting candles that smell like Christmas, the combination of red and green, decorating Christmas cookies and most importantly, celebrating the birth of my precious Savior. I LOVE CHRISTMAS! But I don't love Santa. We don't treat Santa as a real being at our house and when I explain this decision to people I am often met with shock and a lot of questions. I guess I'm a sort of off my rocker for not allowing my kids to believe in something that isn't real, doesn't make wishes come true and doesn't actually bring presents. Bah-humbug, right?

Before our first little man was born, my husband and I made the decision to forgo all of the Santa Claus hoop-la. Does this mean anything with a depiction of Santa is banned from our home? No. Will we not allow our kids to take a picture with someone dressed up like Santa? No, if our boys want to take a picture with Santa, that is fine with me. However, we will not be teaching our kids that Santa is real. We will teach our boys about the real St. Nicholas and what he did because of his love for God; but not the belief and, dare I say it, deification of a bearded man in a red suit with flying reindeer.

I don't ever remember having a belief in Santa. A conversation with my mom on this very subject confirmed that memory for me. I never felt as though I missed out on anything. In fact, I remember feeling a little sorry for all of the kids whose parents were lying to them. What happens when you figure out the lie? Does Christmas lose a little of its sparkle? I've had people tell me that I'm losing a big bargaining tool with my kids. I would then ask, what is the bargaining chip when December 26th rolls around?

It seems that for the Christian, Santa presents more pitfalls than positives. For your consideration:

1. The traditional dialogue surrounding Santa is that he can see if you've been good, he knows your desires and he can be anywhere at any time. The truth is, only God Himself is capable of omniscience and omnipresence and I don't want my boys, even at a young age, thinking that anyone else has those capabilities. The Psalms, and really the entire Bible, are replete with this truth.  God alone does marvelous deeds!  (Psalm 86:10)

2. When we build Santa up to the point that our children are more excited about a mythological man who shows up once a year than they are about a God who was willing to come to earth as a helpless baby, walk this sod and die a humiliating death so we can be reconciled to a Holy God through no good and no merit of our own, we have allowed Santa to become an idol.  Exodus 20:3 tells us that we are to have no other gods.  None.  Not even if they are cute, part of a tradition, or make us feel magical. Now, not everyone builds Santa up to this level, but I will propose that if one defends the belief in Santa with more passion and voice than the defense of Jesus Christ, the line has become extremely fuzzy and that is a dangerous place to be.

3. Santa develops short-term, me-based goodness. I cringe every time I hear a person say, "You'd better be good or Santa won't come visit you!" Oh dear.  As this world becomes increasingly unkind, it seems that teaching children that they should be good because it's the right thing to do and sometimes doing the right thing may not come with a tangible reward at the end might prepare them for the long run.  In fact, as a Christian, our good works are for the sole glory of God, not so we get stuff.  (Matthew 5:16) This thought also teaches that a good deed is only good or valid if it is seen by someone else. But the best good deeds are those that are done sacrificially.

Am I going to sit Jackson and Bryant down and dogmatically explain that Santa isn't real? No.  Do I tell Jackson that Mickey Mouse isn't real? No. But I don't treat Mickey Mouse as though he is real and I certainly do not say things like, "Mickey brought you that" or "Be good, Mickey is watching!" Jackson is not upset with the fact that Mickey Mouse is pretend, kids love to pretend and use their imaginations. Knowing that Mickey is pretend hasn't left him with emotional scars nor has it taken anything away from his childhood. I would even posit that knowing Mickey, Santa, and Curious George are just pretend is actually quite freeing.  Truth makes us free.  There is no tension of maintaining a lie.  My kids don't question us and they are very excited about Christmas and celebrating the birth of a Savior.

As parents, we must make decisions that may not be popular or understood by everyone around us. By following through with our convictions we teach our children by action, not mere words. It is certainly not the intent of my heart to be sanctimonious about our convictions. I want to be abundantly clear that if you do choose to incorporate the belief of Santa into your holiday tradition that is certainly a choice you are free to make. It is important to graciously teach our children that not everyone has the same convictions and it is not our place to try and force our convictions upon others nor do our convictions make us any better than anyone else. If you choose to teach the belief of Santa to your children, that is your prerogative just as choosing to forgo Santa is mine.  But I will say that Jesus is enough.  He is enough.  The promise of a Savior fulfilled holds wonder unfathomable.

For unto you is born this day, in the city of David, a Savior, Christ the Lord.  Luke 2:11

The Freedom to Celebrate!

My last post was quite heavy, but hopefully not discouraging. As the holiday season arrives this week, I want to encourage all of you to celebrate with great joy. Embrace and enjoy the freedom you have to celebrate this season!

Growing up military meant that our 'traditions' changed each year. Sometimes we lived much too far from extended family to make the trek northward. Sometimes Dad was deployed and sometimes we joined friends to celebrate the day. Dad has since retired from the Air Force and we have the luxury of establishing some traditions with both my parents and my husband's.

It seems that our society puts quite a lot of pressure on us to create a 'perfect' holiday season for our families. And by 'society' I really mean retailers and others who are looking for a financial profit. I've felt this pressure and, sadly, have fallen into its ugly little trap. With that in mind, let me share a little list I made a week or so ago:

This holiday season, I will...
1. allow myself to say no to any activity, party, event that I don't really, really want to attend. Why run my family ragged running from one party to the next? It's really okay to say no.
2. remind myself that Martha Stewart has an entire staff and exceedingly high budget to create 'the perfect' holiday. She also has a husband who left her and a daughter who very famously dislikes her. I think Martha sort of missed the point.
3. create some fun memories with my little guy even if it leaves flour-y messes on my kitchen floor, decorations a bit askew and a tree with lots of decorations on the bottom, but not so much toward the top.
4. cuddle up on the couch, watch "White Christmas" and drink hot chocolate often.

Don't sacrifice fun memories for holiday 'perfection.' Pop your favorite movie in the dvd player, sing Christmas songs as often as you please, eat too many cookies and make some fabulous memories!