To Be Protectors

As with many, I have watched the events of the Steubenville rape case unfold.  Horrible doesn't begin to describe this crime.  Equally horrible is the fact that this is not an isolated incident.  Just this morning I saw another headline about a 13 year old girl who was sexually assaulted by older teenage boys, an 89 year old woman who was shoved into the trunk of her car and held there for 2 days by a group of teenagers (girls and boys), China's admission of the forced abortions of approximately 336 million babies and the story a teenage boy who shot and killed a baby while the baby and mom were out for a stroll.  At first these all seem to be unrelated crimes, but there is a unifying thread among them- the bigger and more powerful taking grotesque advantage of the weaker. It's a terrifying commentary on the sinful state of man.

 In America we sure do pat ourselves on the back and make great claims about how advanced we are and how we have liberated women.  What a joke.  Yes, things are much better for women in America than in most of the world, but let's not delude ourselves into thinking we're so much more sophisticated than everyone else.  More on this later.  What must we tell our sons?  As I watch my pre-school aged sons play with their super heroes I can't help but ponder how to raise them to actually be super heroes.  I'm quite certain that when the Steubenville rapists were young their mothers did not imagine they would perpetrate such a crime.  So how do we respond?

We must teach our sons that women are not objects.
The hard part about this is that many women are willing to believe that they are objects.  The signs are all around us.  Victoria's Secret is about to launch a line of lingerie for pre-teens!  Really.  Undies with statements like "Call Me" and "Wild" written on them. I don't have daughters.  If I did, I can guarantee you that I would not allow my daughters to believe this type of "fashion" is acceptable.  Shame on the moms who allow their daughters to think this type of clothing defines femininity. Grown women are buying books like Fifty Shades of Gray in mass quantities.  I'll freely admit, I have not read the book nor will I read it, but I've read enough reviews and plot summaries to know what the gist of the book happens to be.  I'm absolutely mystified as to why women are willing to entertain such filth.  Not just because it is filth, but because it reduces a woman to a mere play thing for a man's lustful and selfish desires.  Why on earth are we not speaking loudly against this?  We have got to teach our sons that women are not objects with our actions, not empty words.  We teach them through making choices that command respect.

We must teach our sons that sex is sacred.
There is a lie that has infected our society like an aggressive cancer.  The lie is believing that "casual sex" exists.  What a horrid, horrid lie.  Yet we support the movies and t.v. shows that perpetuate this lie and we laugh at crude jokes...all in front of our sons.  Is it any wonder they have reduced this sacred act to just recreational fun?  We've got to get brave, move past our own personal discomfort and have very frank discussions with our sons.  And we must start when they are young.  There is a way to be very age appropriate and yet very straightforward.  One of my favorite preachers, Matt Chandler, made a statement in one of his sermons that was delivered in levity and yet it had a huge impact.  He was speaking about true and Biblical masculinity.  He made the statement, "Son, there is an unrighteous and a righteous way to play with a naked woman (His young son was playing with his sister's naked Barbie doll at the time.) and right now, you are unrighteous in your motives and your actions."  He then took the opportunity to discuss this with his son.  I applaud him for seizing this opportunity to impart truth instead of taking the doll away and offering a simple, "No."  We have got to teach our sons Biblical truth about the correct context and God-ordained circumstances for this very life altering act.

We must teach our sons to preserve dignity.
One of my favorite stories about Jesus is found in John 8.  The Pharisees have brought an adulterous woman to Jesus in an attempt to trick Jesus.  But, in their attempt to trick Jesus, they prove their willingness to use another person's failings (the act of adultery) and weakness (in that day and age, being female made her quite vulnerable) for their own purposes.  We must teach our sons that it is never acceptable to use another person's failings and/or weaknesses to further their own position in life.  One of the other remarkable aspects of this story is the fact that Jesus was willing to protect and defend another in spite of the "accepted" cultural norms around him.  He protected her dignity.  This did not mean he had to agree with or condone her sinful actions.  He clearly told her to go and sin no more.  But he still defended her dignity.  What a wonderful skill for our sons to learn- that we must defend those in need of defense, but if sin in involved we need not condone sin in the process.

We must teach our sons that showing sensitivity is masculine.
I'm just going to say it...we have a messed up view of masculinity in our society.  For reasons unknown to me, masculinity has become defined by marks of aggressive behavior and not by marks of character.  We've all heard it.  We've heard the "he's a man's man" description.  This description usually describes a man who plays some contact sport, hunts, drives a large truck and is roughly the size of a barge.  (Like that reference?)  Those things are not bad things, but they don't define masculinity either.  So what is masculinity?  In my estimation, true masculinity is defined by things like a man's integrity, his work ethic, his honesty, his faithfulness, his generosity, how he treats and cares for those around him and his devotion.  The word meek does not seem to be part of the modern lexicon.  It is an oft misunderstood word.  In a Biblical sense, meekness is not cowardice or a willingness to be bullied about but instead it is restraint, it is strength under the control of the Spirit.  It is a producer of peace. Let's be careful how we define masculinity to our sons.

We must teach our sons that being a gentleman is not optional or conditional.  
 Acting as a gentleman is more than opening doors, allowing a lady to go first and standing when a lady enters the room.  Acting as a gentleman is making the statement that the needs and feelings of another are valid and important.  Acting as a gentleman teaches our sons that manners and actions are a lifestyle, not just something to mind on certain occasions.  It seems manners are often chided as being archaic and too "buttoned up."  But we teach our sons things like saying "yes ma'am" and not replicating body noises because in this process they become aware of the feelings of other people and the importance of recognizing the feelings of others as important. Perhaps just as importantly, we must teach our sons that being a gentleman applies to everyone- the young lady dressed up for prom, the elderly lady/gentelman who needs help with her groceries, the homeless person who needs to feel human and recognized. This simple thing also teaches our sons to view everyone as valuable and deserving of being treated well.  May we not allow acting as a gentleman to be a lost art!

We must teach our sons about humor.
In reading the details surrounding the Steubenville rape case I was horrified to learn of how the many on-lookers just chuckled at what was happening.  The boys who committed this horrible crime continued to laugh about their crime for days.  Let's start standing up to what has become a cultural norm of laughing at the plight of the vulnerable.  Several weeks ago I read about a man in India who attends to the poorest of society.  He washes these people, he rubs sore muscles, he provides a clean shave as well as food for these people.  He not only restores dignity to these people, he does not make there plight the punchline of a self-gratifying joke.  Be careful what you choose to respond to with laughter.  Be very, very careful.

We must teach our sons to be brave.
Bravery seems to have taken a strange turn.  Why is it that stellar athletic performance is often describe as bravery?  Oh how me must redefine bravery!  What a brave thing it is for a person to risk their own social status to stand up for another.  What a brave act to say "no" when others are saying "yes."  What a brave thing to decide it is better to stay away from certain social circles and risk being labeled as "uncool" because you have courage of conviction and the integrity that goes along with it.  Bravery is putting the needs of others above your own.  (Phil 2:3-5)

It has been greatly impressed on me that it is the mothers of young children who will greatly affect the future. It is our action, or inaction, that will shape the years to come.  Believing that God Himself has entrusted the lives of my children to me is humbling, daunting and also very empowering.  As mothers, let's all agree to build one another up, encourage one another and stand against the onslaught of violence and lies that are working to entice our sons away from what is good, pure and right.



For the moms of daughters- the following blog is a must-read for you!
http://wearethatfamily.com/2013/03/raising-daughters-in-a-world-that-devalues-them-7-things-we-must-tell-them/