Sunday, February 19, 2012

I Miss Him

It wasn't just that she said, "I miss him" it was the way she said it. It was the look in her eyes and the fleeting smile that turned so quickly into a lip being bit in an attempt to stop the tears. I imagine the smile was because the thought of his face briefly lit her heart. Let me back up...

I sang at a funeral this last Friday. It is always an honor for me to be entrusted with this type of thing. To be asked to sing for an event that is so important in the life of a family is an enormous honor and privilege, one I do not take lightly. It is always emotionally difficult to sing at such events, but the Lord has always given me composure and strength beyond explanation. I must tell all of you that I came away from this funeral feeling challenged, blessed and encouraged.

The man who passed away had suffered with brain cancer for 6 years. Yet those 6 years had not been spent in woe of his diagnosis. But there was no focus on the way he died, the focus was on the way he lived. This man's adult sons told of how much they admired their father, from the time they were little all through adulthood. They spoke of how much they wanted to be exactly like him. They spoke of how much he loved their mother. They spoke of how important they knew they were to him. What a challenge! Am I living my life in a way that shows my children how important they are to me? Do they know without a doubt in their minds their importance to me? Are my priorities right?

When singing for funerals, I train myself to not look at the family until my part is over. Looking at the faces of hurting and grieving people is more than I can bear. However, during the sermon I did steal a look at this man's wife. I really can't explain the expression on her face. Peaceful yet sad and still very much in love. 49 years they had been married. Hard, hard times they had faced together. Yet they remained faithful to each other. What was their secret? "We love because He first loved us." 1 John 4:19 You see, because Jesus loved, before we loved Him and before we ever even knew Him, we are capable of loving one another. We are able to love a spouse for 49 years.

How my heart hurts for this woman I barely know! How my heart aches for the loneliness I am sure she is experiencing. But how challenged I am to truly LOVE my spouse. To recognize that love doesn't mean chocolates and flowers. What a deep and abiding love this woman had and continues to have for her husband. I've seen many couples reach a point in their marriage where they are merely enduring each other. It's as though they've spent enough years together that they might as well ride the rest of them out together. Oh how I do not want to merely "stick it out." Quite obviously, this couple didn't just stick it out.

God is so sweet and kind to give us the promise of Heaven. The promise of being reunited with those we love because of the sacrifice of His Son. But He is also good and kind to give us promises for today. Promises that He is never far from us. Promises that He is nearest to the brokenhearted. I pray that very promise as I picture this woman's face in my mind. Be near to her, Lord Jesus. And because He is faithful and true, I know He will.

Friday, February 10, 2012

Shoot the Laptop

My guess would be that most of you have seen the viral video of the dad shooting his daughter's laptop by now. Certainly you knew I'd have an opinion about this, right? I will freely admit that upon first watching, I chuckled a bit. But the more I thought about this video, the more it disturbed me. Quite honestly, I think the dad was completely out of line and may have caused irreparable damage to his relationship with his daughter. Before you roll your eyes at me, hear me out.

Consistent discipline is most certainly a key component to good parenting. However, it seems formative and restorative discipline are far superior to punitive discipline. Let's just put on the table the fact that we have only been privy to observing one isolated incident, but I think we can glean a good bit of information from this very public display of "parenting." Should this young woman have said the things she said? No. Should she have shared these thoughts publicly? No. But, she is a kid. Her discernment level isn't the highest. This is why she is not legally allowed to do things like vote, buy a house, sign a lease, etc. The father, however, is an adult. His discernment level should be quite a bit more developed. Why purposely embarrass your child? Do you really think that will accomplish any good? It is my firm belief that the purpose of discipline is to win the hearts of our children. Winning their hearts leads to a relationship of trust and a relationship of trust, generally speaking, leads to willful obedience rather than willful disobedience. This father's public show will not win his daughter's heart and I doubt that was his intent.

It seems the purpose of this father's video was to bring embarrassment and shame to his daughter in retribution for her bringing embarrassment to him. Wonderful parenting tool. How incredibly wise to play tit for tat with your teenager. From a Biblical perspective, not only is this unwise, it is sin. When the Lord disciplines those whom He loves (which He does, according to Hebrews 12), His purpose is never to embarrass or humiliate us. His purpose is to refine our lives and restore us. James 1:19-21 tells us to be quick to listen and slow to anger because anger does not produce the righteousness God desires. Clearly, this father was acting out of anger. Should his feelings have been hurt? Sure. But as an adult, he should be better equipped to handle this. If he had been quick to listen, he would have heard the hurt and pain in his daughter's writing. She quite obviously has many resentment issues. Perhaps he should deal with that resentment. I'm not advocating allowing her to continue in disrespectful behavior, but there are far better ways to handle this situation.

When a father causes shame, humiliation and embarrassment to come to his daughter, the results are disastrous. The one relationship with a man that a girl should be able to implicitly trust is the one with her father. When this trust is broken, the consequences are not pretty. Fathers will stand accountable before a Holy God for how they treat their daughters. (And sons, too.) In my years of teaching, I have seen many young women make very bad decisions because their relationship with their father is broken. I wonder if this father is more concerned with his own pride than with restoring the relationship with his daughter.

Is taking her laptop away a reasonable punishment for her "crime"? I think so. Is shooting it a logical way to accomplish this? No. This will only drive her anger deeper into her heart. How about having her visit a women's shelter and have her donate the laptop to a woman in desperate need. Perhaps looking into the eyes of people who really do have it bad will inspire a change in a way that his rant certainly won't.

Let us seek to win the hearts of our children rather than lord over them with an over-inflated sense of superiority. Let us ask for wisdom (James 1:5) in our parenting. Let us put on compassion, kindness, patience and meekness (Col 3:12) when dealing with our children. Don't shoot the laptop.

Thursday, February 9, 2012

525,600 Minutes

After reading the title to this post, some of you are singing! For those of you who are singing, let me ask you this, "How do you measure a year in the life?" Here's how I measure in year in my life:

In becoming a family of 4.
In experiencing childbirth with my husband once again and realizing that as long as I have his hand to hold, his encouraging words and his emotional and spiritual support I don't need anything else- not even an epidural. We're a great team.
In realizing that finding my 3 year old and 5 month old sound asleep in my baby's crib isn't a problem, it is wonderful.
In truly enjoying the 3am feeding and even prolonging the feeding with cuddle time because I know this season will pass far too quickly and he won't be a baby for much longer.
In letting go. Isn't allowing the big brother to "take care" of his baby brother more important than the baby's socks matching his outfit?
In enjoying this moment and not looking too much to the next one.
In learning how much my "big boy" truly cares about people.
In hearing my son recite scripture after scripture with great joy and start to ask deep spiritual questions.
In knowing that God did give me true sisters; not a biological ones, but  sisters who share my very heart.
In God showing me that He is always at work- ALWAYS. (And, He doesn't need my help.)

What a wonderful year this has been. Thankful doesn't adequately describe my heart. He is truly the giver of all good and perfect things.

"Taste and see that the Lord is good!" Psalm 34:8